Gift of the Holy Spirit

Still another example of mysticism -- of an experience of being "born again" after an experience of death:  Catherine of Genoa.  As the result of an unhappy marriage, Catherine experienced years of loneliness and depression.  In desperation, she turned to the world, which did not soothe her soul, and religion, which helped her no more than did the world around her.  Finally, she sank into a state of dull misery, a hatred of herself and of her life. 

Catherine's sister, grieving at seeing Catherine, insisted that she go to confession to a "holy man" who heard confessions at a nearby convent.  Catherine just could not do that, so her sister said, "At least, go and recommend yourself to him, because he is a most worthy man."  To please her sister, Catherine went and knelt before the priest (presumably to ask for his prayers) -- but instead, she received immediately such a clear vision of herself and of the goodness of God that she almost fell to the ground.  "It is for certain that for St. Catherine, as for St. Francis, an utterly new life did, literally, begin at this point" (Underhill, Mysticism*).

Jesus told Nicodemus that just as we cannot tell where the wind is coming from or where it is going, so neither can we grasp the work of the Spirit in us, except by the results.  We cannot produce the work of the Spirit in us by our own efforts -- just as the soil cannot produce fruit unless a seed is dropped into it.  But we can prepare the soul/soil to receive the Spirit by waiting for it and by looking for it. 

I remember back in the 70's when we had a prayer group at St. Lawrence in Kenner.  One of the women who started coming to the group seemed a little "cold," a little distant, although she was very gracious and sweet.  She just didn't "warm up" very well, and seemed to be wearing a stiff mask.  What none of us could know at the time was that her only daughter had committed suicide in her early 20's, and this woman had never gotten over it, as we would expect.  Like every one of us, she was probably bearing a terrible burden of guilt and shame, although (rationally) everyone knows she probably could have done nothing to prevent the tragedy.  Her "stiff mask" was masking unspeakable pain and sorrow.

After a few weeks of attending the prayer group, Julia (not her real name) arrived one evening like a burst of fresh air.  Her arrival reminded me of the times I have been outside at the very moment a cold front arrives -- suddenly, the temperature drops, the breeze picks up, and everything is dramatically changed for the better.  Julia came in that evening so changed in appearance that I could hardly believe it was the same person:  she was smiling, hugging people, laughing, celebrating.  I had never seen such a sense of overwhelming freedom in my life. 

She explained to us that she had had a dream the night before, in which her daughter was dancing, laughing, and saying, "O Mom, I am just so happy!"  Maybe there was more to the dream, but that's all I recall.  Immediately, that dream lifted the burden of guilt and oppression from Julia.  Somehow, her daughter's freedom and joy had passed into her very soul.  From that time until the day she died, Julia was the most loving, joyful, accepting person I had ever known.  Somehow, after her experience of crushing sorrow, she was given acceptance, love, and joy by the Spirit of God.

What made the difference in these people?  It was not the practice of religion, although all of them did "practice" some religion.  Rather, it was the sudden, unexpected, breath of the Most High entering their lives to lift them out of misery.  I don't think we can explain this kind of occurrance through psychological processes, but only by the Gift of the Holy Spirit.  In every case, either willingly or reluctantly, the person did something to open themselves somehow to the action of God: attended prayer meetings, knelt before a priest, or, in the case of Francis, stripped off his clothes in the town square -- probably not recommended for most of us. 

Once we have come to the end of our hopes and dreams, once we give up our struggle to solve every problem by our own efforts, we open the door to the Spirit of God -- and He cannot disappoint us.  The desire for God is awakened by an experience of deliverance from sorrow and grief, for most of us -- although as children, I think we are drawn naturally toward Him.  Our 'conversion' or turning from the world-as-solution to God-as-our-Help cannot come through intellectual reasoning, but only through an emotional experience.  We do not dismiss our minds as a source of knowledge, but the truth we need to satisfy our minds comes only after we know ourselves to have been "saved." 

The Israelites had to be led out of Egypt, the site of their oppression, before they could begin to learn to worship God, to be a community, a nation of just laws and good people, and to receive the Torah.  So it is with us; as long as we suffer from fear and oppression, religion cannot help us, though it may keep us from losing hope altogether.  But once we have experienced the power of God to save us, to deliver us from evil, to give us joy right in the midst of our present circumstances, we are "on our way" to the Land of Promise.