Question

The question is, "Is God waiting in heaven, at the top of the mountain, for us to finish the journey the best we can, and then He will reward or punish us for the way we traveled along the way?" 

Or, on the other hand, is He so moved with compassion and pity that He Himself descends to lift our burdens and to carry us to His eternal dwelling place?

Are we "companioned" along the way by God Himself?  Is He the guide, the Comforter, and the teacher--or are we left to our own devices, to figure it out the best we can?  (But we had better get it right!)

I thank thee, O Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because thou hast hid these things from the wise and prudent and hast revealed them unto babes (Matt. 11:25).

I just finished reading The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven.  What a story!

The Eternal God

We tend to think of the story of Jesus washing the feet of His apostles as something that happened one time 2000 years ago.  We tend to think of His action as symbolic, something that didn't really need to be done, but as more of a ritual, a ceremonial act---a demonstration to show His followers what they needed to do in the future, like the demonstrations of CPR, to show us what we need to do in an emergency.

Before I come into the house after working in the yard, even though I wash my own feet with the hose outside, I still have dirt clinging to me, dirt that really needs to be washed off--with soap and scrubbing.  And until that happens, I continue to feel unclean and unready to do anything else.  Jesus' Apostles really needed to have their feet washed before reclining at the table. 

The Passover was not just grabbing a bite over the sink to satisfy their hunger.  The Passover was a sacred reminder of the meal that purchased their forever freedom from slavery and oppression, the meal that made them a people preserved from death by the blood of the sacrificial lamb, the meal that strengthened them for the journey into the desert---together, one helping another.  It was a meal to be eaten together, in remembrance of God's eternal actions on their behalf, of His eternal preservation of the people of Israel, of His eternal "hovering" over them to watch their ways and journeys.  Who could participate in such an event with dirty feet, as if it did not matter?

Not only did Jesus wash their feet out of love and humble service to them, but He was also doing what He saw the Father doing every day of our lives---cleansing us from the stains of our journey, from the wounds of the past, from the dirt that clings to our very souls.  Not only did Jesus wash the feet of His disciples 2000 years ago, but TODAY, right now, He is bending over OUR feet with His basin and towel.  He is the eternal, everlasting God, sent by the Father to minister to us every moment of our lives.  He is here not to be served, but to serve and to give His life as a ransom.  He is here right now to wash our feet, to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 

Which one of us does not bear an almost unbearable burden of guilt?  Who can grow old without looking back on what we failed to do, or on what we have done?  We continue to walk through life with the stains of living, even though we have already washed off what we could wash.  There is One who is able to completely cleanse our souls, to purify us, to make us whole.  Yes, we have damaged others and continue to do so, even though we intend not to.  But the sacrificial lamb of God took those blows unto His own body, absorbing the pain Himself.  And turning around, He prayed for our forgiveness from the Father for hurting Him.

He is still washing our feet today, still cleansing us from the almost indelible stains on our souls, still healing those we have hurt so badly on our journey.  We hang our heads in shame, but He says, "Come on; we have yet more to do, and I have equipped you to do it.  You shall no longer be instruments of destruction but of hope and renewal.  I am with you always, and will never leave or abandon you.  I will watch your coming and your going and lead in sure paths for the sake of my Name.  I have chosen you that you [now] should bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain.  Believe.  Trust.  Hope.  I/ you will not fail again.  But if you do not allow me to wash your feet, you will have no part in Me."

We cannot wash our own "feet;"  we cannot prepare ourselves for the future; we can only allow the Eternal and Everlasting God to do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.

The Voice of Hagar

God is close to the broken-hearted, and those bowed down in spirit He saves (Psalm 34:18).

Chapter 16 of Genesis describes the dynamics of Abram's household:  Sarai, the wealthy wife of a powerful man, and Hagar, the Egyptian slave-girl, whose name in Hebrew could mean something like "the foreign girl."  She is essentially a nameless piece of property. 

For ten years, Abram has been living in the Promised Land with no sign of an heir.  He and Sarai are growing beyond the child-bearing years, and he needs a son to inherit his wealth.  Frustrated and childless, Sarai gives "her," the nameless one, to Abraham to bear a son.

When Hagar conceives, she begins to flaunt her fertility before Sarai, who cannot bear the burden of her own infertility.  Sarai deals with Hagar harshly, so the slave girl flees into the desert.  [Many years afterwards, Israel will be expressly forbidden by God to "deal harshly" with the foreigner:  You shall not wrong or oppress a resident alien, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt.  You shall not abuse any widow or orphan.  If you do abuse them, when they cry out to me, I will surely heed their cry (Ex. 22:21-23).]

But for now, Hagar, a pregnant woman is in the desert when "the angel of the Lord" finds her beside a spring.  He calls her by name and by station:  Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?

The woman and her son, the son of Abram, though not by God's design, are not abandoned by Yahweh.  He could not leave her to die in the desert with her unborn child.  He sends her back to the protected tents of Abram (presumably having somewhat softened Sarai's heart), where she can safely give birth to her child. 

Hagar, having been given hope and a future by Yahweh, names Him:  You are a God of seeing.  No one up to this point has ever really seen her; the text refers to her as "the foreign woman," the "slave girl."  She has not been a person with a hope and a future.  She said, I have seen the One who sees me, and she named the well Beer Lahai Roi, meaning Well of the Living One who sees me.

The angel, speaking in the voice of Yahweh, tells Hagar that she will have a son and name him Ishmael---God hears. 

Paradoxically, in this chapter, in what appears to be the story of Abraham and Sarai, Hagar is the principal character.  God is the only one who "saw" her.  Like Abraham, she too receives the promise of many descendents.  Like Israel later on, she too goes on an Exodus towards freedom because of harsh treatment and in the desert encounters Yahweh.  Like Moses, she sees God. 

The naming of the well and its exact location roots this story in the real world, not the world of fantasy.  Even today, Muslims hold sacred the spot where Hagar encountered the living God who sees and hears.  In Genesis 21, when once again, she and her son are cast out into the desert, God "hears the boy crying," as Hagai is also "sobbing."  The angel says, "God has heard the boy crying as he lies there."

In this story of Abraham and Sarai, power and abuse occur but are not central.  Central to the story is the hearing and seeing of God toward the poor and needy, a lesson that Abraham will only gradually come to learn as he walks with God.  In the meantime, Hagar is the one who encounters "the living God who sees me" and who is told to name her son God hears.  Later in the story, Sarai too will encounter the living God who sees and hears the cry of the poor; she will be given "laughter" (Isaac) for all her years of sorrow.

Many years earlier, God had heard the "blood of Abel" crying from the gound, and now he hears the cry of a slave-woman, whom he lifts up from the ground.  Psalm 34 is full of verses about God hearing the cry of the poor; in the New Testament, Jesus will say Blessed are the poor in spirit; the kingdom of heaven is theirs.

Once we have encountered the "Living One who sees / knows" us, we are convinced, like Hagar, that He does indeed incline his ears to our cry, and that our future is in His hands.  We have courage, not because we are strong, but because we are seen and heard.

Thanks be to the Jews for preserving this (minor) story of Hagar within the major story of their own journey and history!  Someone must have been impressed by the story of a nameless slave girl!

Going Into Seclusion

Immediately after being baptized by John at the River Jordan, Jesus went into the wilderness for 40 days, where He was tempted by the devil---but where he was also taught by God, coming to the end of his own strength and relying on that which would be given him.

In the same way, St. Paul, after seeing the living Jesus on his way to Damascus, went to Arabia for 2-3 years, where he received revelation from the Lord.  During that time "in the wilderness," he was not preaching and teaching, but listening and learning from the Holy Spirit.  Even after he began his ministry, he was imprisoned many times and "shut down."  But the Spirit of God in him could not be contained by prison bars.

In the Old Testament, Moses too at first spent 40 years in the desert before he received a direct revelation from God and the annointing for his great ministry of leading the Israelites out of Egypt.

Most of those who have been touched by the Spirit of God are anxious to convert others, sometimes with disastrous results.  Part of the ministry is learning to hear and follow the directions of the Spirit---the listening part,---coming to the end of our own passions and strength.  Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit, says the Lord of hosts (Zach. 4).

People may be surprised to learn that someone as strong and fiery as Paul or as Moses were not immediately sent by God to convert the world----but unless our own passions cool, we are likely to do more harm than good.  We need to be overtaken and guided and completely under the control of the Holy Spirit if we are to be channels of God's love and grace.  If even Jesus needed 40 days in the wilderness before beginning His public ministry, how can we hope to do anything unless we too have been hidden from view and powerless for a period of time?

Therese of Liseux died at 24, after spending 9 years as a cloistered Carmelite.  Her burning desire was to be a missionary, yet few people ever saw her face or heard her voice.  What she learned during her time with the Lord was this:  My vocation is love!  I will be love!  She learned to allow the Lord to transform her into a channel of love.  Now, she has been named "A Doctor of the Church" and the Patroness of Missionaries.  If ever there was an example of "Not by power, not by might, but by My Spirit," she is it.

Ghandi, Deitrich Bonhoffer, Martin Luther King, and Desmond Tutu all had to learn the "power" of non-violent resistance; they had to learn from God himself, as our flesh always wants to drive the mission in its own strength.  All remained submissive and trusting in the strength of God rather than in themselves---and all achieved even beyond their dreams.  Bonhoffer died in a concentration camp, hanged by order of Hitler as a threat to the German nation---and today is regarded as one of the most powerful voices of the modern age.

When the annointing comes to "set my people free," we should not be surprised if at first we are hidden and powerless, imprisoned and mute.  This is a sure indication that the Spirit Himself is beginning to exert control.  Jesus said, Unless the grain of wheat fall into the ground and die, it remains but a grain of wheat.  But if it dies, it produces much fruit.

Prayer:  I want so much to sit at the Helper's feet in the School of Prayer and to be taught by Him.  Show me how to ....be a good pupil.  Amen.  (Prayer of Katherine Marshall in The Helper.)

Great Teachers and Masters

I am one of those people who cannot carry a tune in a bucket.  As a child, I used to think of heaven as the place where I would be able to sing and no one would laugh.  Yesterday in church, I happened to sit in front of someone who has a strong and beautiful voice.  With her behind me, I ventured to try my own voice and found that I could sing if I forgot everything in my own head and just let her voice carry me along.  I actually for a moment thought I was singing quite well.  Then she stopped singing for a moment, and I heard my own weak, wavering, out-of-tune voice.  There was certainly no joy there, but the moment she began singing again, I joyfully joined in, convinced that I too could sing!

In the same way, in taking oil painting, I am under the guidance of a wonderful teacher, one who actually makes my work look good.  I leave every class carrying a canvas of which I am very proud---even though I know what no one else does--- that I could never have done it without his watchful eye and sure hand:  No, you're dabbing it; just push it and pull it gently; make it like a cloud.  Make that shadow darker; here, let me show you.  With him, I am an artist.  Without him, I can do nothing---but I am gradually learning "how it's done."

A good teacher makes the student look competent and imparts confidence.  If I could sit in front of the singer every Sunday, the day might arrive when I could sing without her---although I doubt it.  Still, each day, I would surely grow more confident that it could be done.

The same is true in the spiritual life.  What is not possible to us now---Love one another as I have loved you---becomes possible as we allow ourselves to be lived in and loved in by the Master, the one whose strength carries us beyond our own limited capabilities.  We don't actually have to "do" the loving right now; we don't know how.  We just have to surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Jesus dwelling in us, who alone can love as God loves.  We have to allow ourselves to be carried on His strength, until the day comes that we are confident and competent---not that we will ever be able to love without Him, but that we will be confident that He will love in us and through us, and our own inadequacies will no longer be the bottom line and the definitive answer. 

I can sing; I can paint; I can love----all through the energy, the talent, the wisdom, and the love of the Great Masters!

The New Birth and The Kingdom of Heaven

"...first clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside will also be clean" (Matt. 23:26).

Regeneration, rebirth, revitalization, renewal---all begin on the inside of man, not on the exterior. 

How happy was the blind man whose eyes were opened!  How exalted was the paralyzed who could take up his mat and walk!  How rejoicing were those set free from the demons that terrorized them and threw them to the ground!   This is the New Birth of which Jesus spoke--being set free from what has held us bound all these years! 

The Spirit of God comes like a mighty wind in our souls!  No one can tell whence it will come or what it will do when it arrives.  While we are "tithing our mint and cumin," hoping to fulfill the demands of the law, the Spirit of God is setting us free from the wounds of the past, bringing to birth new sons and daughters of the kingdom---the poor, the outcast, the lonely, the helpless, the forgotten, the lame, the hopeless.  They leap with joy at the good news that has set them free!  They are no longer bound by the expectations and condemnation of men!  They are alive in a way they never dreamed possible!  Now they are free to live, to breathe, to laugh, to cry---no one has any hold over them.

These are all signs of the kingdom of heaven and of the Messiah of Yahweh.  What mankind could not do on its own, despite its best efforts, has been done before our very eyes.   "We were like men dreaming!"  "Blessed is he who comes in the name of our God!"  "Hosannah to the Son of David!" 

Jesus said that if the children did not cry out, even the very stones would rejoice at His coming.  The earth is full of the glory of God, and men do not see it!

Listening to God

From the very beginning, God has desired friendship with us.  He wants to walk with us, talk with us and share the daily events of our lives.  He wants to lead us, guide us, teach us, pour out in us His own wisdom, love, and truth.

What's the problem?  We are busy about many things---there is no time or place to cultivate a friendship; we don't know how to listen, to receive what God wants to give us.  Jesus said, Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone will open to me, I will come in and sup with him and he with me (Rev. 3:20).

We tend to take His words as poetry instead of as reality---He wants to sit at our table and share in our daily bread, the small and large events that make up our lives.  He also wants us to sit at His table and listen to His concerns, His laughter, His life and love, His words. 

So where and how can this beautiful exchange happen?  I learned a long time ago that nothing happens until there is time and space for it to happen.  I always thought I would like to play the piano, but there was no space for a piano in my house and no time to learn to play.  I am now learning to paint, another "wish," but I have not yet found a place to set up a studio space.  Fortunately, I do meet a 3-hour class once a week, and with that time and space carved out, I am finally learning a little and "producing a crop" of canvasses.

Most of us have not found a time and space in our lives to cultivate friendship with God.  I used to think little of my mother's "altar," a small niche in the wall where she kept statues of the saints, a crucifix, and a rosary.  Now I know that she had found a space in her house where God could enter.  When she sat in the lounge chair next to the altar, she could pray. 

For many people, Sunday service is the one time in their lives set aside only for God---not for golf, for preparing dinner, for weeding the garden--only to hear what God might be saying and to "say back" our own thoughts.  The problem, of course, with that time and space is that we are distracted by other people---what they are wearing, what they are doing---as well as by our own preoccupations and lack of belief that God is really present and wanting to talk to us personally.

We don't read Scripture, reflect on it, pray it through at home.  So our spiritual life is not fed on a regular basis.  Our spirits are starving to death, so anemic as to be barely surviving. 

In the Parable of the Sower [Luke 8] , Jesus addressed this human condition with the different types of soil when the Sower went out to his field;  some seed (the Word of God) fell along the path and was trampled on, and the birds ate it up.

Some fell on the rock and had no moisture, so could not grow.  Some fell among thorns and was choked to death.  Only the seed that fell on good soil produced a crop.  Our task is only to prepare the soil---to carve out of our busy lives a time and space where we can meet God and listen to Him.  He will do everything else. 

The Book of James says, Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.  What a comfort!  To know that all we have to do is draw near, that He will meet us on the way and take us home with Him!

God never ceases to amaze me!

The Spirit Helps us in our Prayer

One of the signs of the presence of the Holy Spirit is the desire to pray.  So set is our flesh against praying that the Helper's first task is to create in us even the basic desire to pray.  The Bible tells us that we do not know how to pray, but the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  Strangely, we really don't even know what to pray about until the Spirit begins to create a concern within us, spotlighting a need.

The Helper has to uncover for us the essence or kernel or what it is we really want.  Usually, the real issue is buried under emotional debris so that we cannot see it at first.  As the real issue begins to emerge in our (continued) prayer, we also begin to see the blockages---a desire to control, resentment, anger, etc. 

It's like going to a Counselor over a period of time and slowly allowing our deepest issues to emerge in a safe place. The difference is that when God allows the veil to be pulled back and we see clearly, He is standing there beside us -- The Paraclete*---to help us let go of those issues, to help us forgive, to set us free from the things that tie us in knots.

[* The word Paraclete, from the Greek, means One who is called beside---para/ caleo]

All around us are people caught in bondage, imprisoned in fear, hampered by illness.  Jesus longs to still be the Healer, as He was on earth; now, however, He chooses to wait on our prayers.  He desires that we be a part of His ministry.  As Mother Teresa said, Jesus has no hands but yours, no feet but yours.

When we begin to pray, if we are open and ask for the leading of the Holy Spirit in our prayer, He will often surprise us with the direction our prayer will take.  If we can imagine ourselves praying alongside and with Jesus ("in His Name'), we might be surprised at the difference in the way we pray.  We might be surprised also at the cleansing that takes place in our hearts and minds. 

Prayer changes us and re-orders our priorities.  Psalm 37: 4 says, Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.  When our heart has been wounded, it is hard to know its deepest desire---it has been long buried.  But as we begin to spend time "delighting ourselves in the Lord," our hearts begin to soften and the real desires begin to emerge.  Only then can He grant our prayer.

On Religion and Spirituality

Religion:  an organized system of beliefs that are expressed by and within a community with a structure that includes authority, rituals, rules, and a tradition that is both oral and written.

Spirituality:  harder to define, but may include one or more of the following:

• personal beliefs and practices
• the transcendent dimension of life and existence; the "other," the sacred
• one's ultimate values
• a sense of wholeness
• a sense of meaning and purpose
• whatever gives hope or brings peace
• faith/ trust in something beyond oneself
• a sense of belonging or connection with something beyond oneself
• blessing, goodness, how we treat ourselves and others
• reverence and respect for life, one's own and that of others
• an inner life

                       (taken from Wrestling with Our Inner Angels by Nancy Kehoe)

A person's religion may shape his/her spirituality and help give a form and expression, along with support and strength, to it, but religion can never be a substitute for spirituality.  In the Book of Deuteronomy, Moses tells the Israelites, The Lord your God will circumcise your hearts and the hearts of your descendents, so that you may love him with all your heart and all your soul, and live (Deut. 30:6).

The ritual and rule of circumcision was supposed to be the starting place, the "graphic example" of what it meant to "circumcise one's heart to the Lord."  If some Jews took the ceremony to be both the beginning and the end of their religious experience, then circumcision had no meaning other than inclusion in the community.  The same is true of baptism for Christians; if being baptized fulfilled the law and that took care of religious obligation, then baptism did not really achieve its purpose.

Moses also told the people:  Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach.....No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so that you may obey it (30:11).

If the word is "in our mouth and in our heart," then regardless of religious beliefs or forms of expressions, those whose hearts have been circumcised will be drawn together by the Holy Spirit.  Paul said, For He Himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility....His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility ...for through him we both have access to the Father by one Spirit (Eph. 2: 14-18).

As children, we seem to know how to express our spiritual natures through song and art, through dance and hugs.  As we develop our more rational (and inhibited) nature, however, we tend to bury expressions of our spiritual nature.  Church or religion is the one window where we can find ways to express our deepest selves, with the support of a community---and the one place where God Himself can express His deepest love and wisdom and guidance for us. 

Of course, there is always nature, but few people really stop and reflect on what nature is telling us about God's nature and love---those who do are those whose hearts have been circumcised.  In the Book of Romans, however, we find that since the creation of the world, God's invisible qualities---his eternal power and divine nature---have been clearly seen...so that men are without excuse...for they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to Him....

We seem to require a time, a place, and a way to stop and "glorify God and give thanks to Him."  Religion/ church is a training ground for our souls, as school is for our minds---in order to form our spirits and strenthen and develop our relationship with God.

Of course, there are always corruptions and people who get in the way of the pure exchange of Spirit to spirit, but that does not mean that religion itself is bad.  We will always need some way, some "ritual," if you will, to express our spirituality.
Even a sharing group has rituals, has some authority and some rules.  Without these, there is no safety in expressing ourselves and really no way to do it. 

The Jews followed halakah, the Way, prescribed patterns for reverencing God and developing a living relationship with Him, just as today Christians and Muslims do.  When Jesus came, he said, I am the Way. 

Our spirituality develops and unfolds fully in relationship with and in response to a Divine Presence, a Person, who has joined Himself to us in an indissoluble union ("flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone); a Person who will never leave us or abandon us, a Person who will bring us into union with others who share our deepest values; a Person who creates in His own body the "church," the place where we can both be blessed by others and be a blessing to them.  In Greek, the word ecclesia, which we translate as "church," means those who are called out---

it has more to do with our spiritual life than our religious life, crossing all man-made boundaries and divisions.  Blessed are they who have ears to hear the call of the Holy Spirit deep within themselves!

Mother and Father Love

As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you...Is.66:13

He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love (Songs 2:4)

God longs to comfort His people; Jesus longed to comfort Jerusalem "as a mother hen gathers her chicks under her wings"---but they would not.  Jesus sent The Comforter, that he might abide [with us] forever (Jn. 14:16).

All of Scripture resounds with God's longing to hold us, to comfort us.  Is this just wishful thinking on the part of the writers and prophets?

When David was in the wilderness for so many years, under threat of his life from the wrath of Saul, he experienced both the comfort and protection of God.  That is why the Psalms are hymns of thanksgiving and praise to what he experienced during a time of great stress.

A year or so ago, before I knew I had cancer, the comfort of God descended on me like a cloud of peace and strength.  I was standing in my back yard looking at the winter damage and thinking about the work needing to be done, when suddenly I knew I would not be doing it.  I thought that meant I was going to die, and I had no fear, only great peace and resolve.  "I'm ready," I said; "only give me time to clear the clutter out of my house so the kids don't have to do it when I'm gone."  I immediately went inside and started cleaning out the attic.

That was in late January.  In February, I went to the doctor for the "allergy" that was causing constant coughing.  Tests proved that I had lung cancer.  Since I already knew I was going to die, the verdict was no surprise or shock to me.  I was being carried by the strength and comfort of the Holy Spirit, who continued to sustain me with peace and absolutely no fear through surgery and recovery.  In addition, He sent family and friends to take care of all my needs, above and beyond all that could have been hoped for.

If God's comfort were limited to pity or commiserating with us, as is human sympathy, it would lead to self-pity, which is not strength.  But the comfort that God gives is related to the Latin fortis, meaning strength.  It is not a feather cushion, but steel in the backbone.

Many years ago, Hannah Smith, a Quaker wrote this:

Who can imagine a mother with a lost child ever having a ray of comfort until the child is found?  Is God then more indifferent than a mother?  In fact I believe that all the problems of our spiritual life...would vanish like mist before the rising sun, if the full blaze of the mother-heart of God could be turned upon them....

The Comforter sent to us by Jesus (so that he will abide with [us] forever) is the perfect balance of Mother and Father love---infinite tenderness and grieving on one side, infinite strength on the other.  He comes with strength and with tenderness. 

It has been said that a man with an experience is never at the mercy of a man with an argument.  Those who have experienced the mother-father love of God given to us in times of great stress can never be convinced that the Holy Spirit is not real or eternally present to us.  And, ultimately, it is our experience that brings us into the comforting arms of God.

The Gift of Tears

And I will give them...a new heart---and I will put a new spirit within them; and I will take the stony heart out of their flesh, and will give them a heart of flesh [sensitive and responsive to the touch of their God] (Ez. 11:19, amplified).

One of the first signs of the Spirit at work in us is what is called "the gift of tears."  One writer has said that tears are the pearls of God's kingdom.  Men, more than women, tend to be suspicious of any emotional display when it comes to faith and religion, but even women will hold back for fear of making a fool of themselves in public.  But Scripture warns us that a "hard heart" is the sign of major trouble between us and God.

• Jesus told us that hardness of heart is the major cause of divorce.
• The Israelites wandered in the desert for 40 years because of "hardness of heart"
• Ephesians 4:17 tells us that "hardening of our hearts" leads to futile thinking and darkened understanding.   (Romans 2: 1-5  and Mark 8:17 also) 
• Hebrews 3:13 says that sin's deceitfulness leads to hardening of our hearts.

When the Holy Spirit begins to work in us, one of His signs is a softening of our hearts, taking away our hearts of stone and replacing them with hearts of flesh.  Jesus wept over Jerusalem because it was a city filled with hatred and violence, not recognizing the time of its visitation.  He wept at the tomb of Lazarus because of the sorrow of his friends.

Admittedly, there are tears of rage and frustration, tears of self-pity or bids for attention---none of which are the "gift of tears" that signify the action of the Holy Spirit.  But when He is present and at work, we often do not even know why we are crying.  He is giving us a release from long-held-in-and stuffed-down paralysis of heart.

I once heard a priest whose heart had been touched by the Holy Spirit tell of his experience in a very small town in North Louisiana.  The small town had 4 churches, all different denominations.  The pastors decided that they would take turns preaching at all the different churches once a year.  When it came time for Sam (the priest) to preach at the Pentecostal church, he was prompted during his sermon to make an altar call.  Now, Sam had never in his life made an altar call; he was not really sure what that was.  But the Holy Spirit kept telling him to "make an altar call." 

At the end of his sermon, Sam said to the congregation:  The Holy Spirit keeps telling me to make an altar call, whatever that is.  So I'm making an altar call right now.  With that, members of the congregation started coming to the altar and lining up.  The Pentecostal pastor explained that the two of them would now begin to pray over those who were lining up.  They each started at opposite ends of the line and began to pray.  One lady who Sam was praying for began to cry, almost uncontrollably.  Sam, who knew only controlled Catholic services where people did not show emotion, was disgusted by this display of what he considered "emotionalism."  He went to sit on the altar, leaving the other pastor to finish praying for people. 

While sitting there, Sam was apologizing to God for getting himself into this mess, where religion dissolved into emotional displays, which he considered unseemly and undignified.  The Spirit said to him, Ask her who Jesus is to her.

After the service, Sam found the lady and asked why she had cried when he prayed over her.  "I don't know;" she said.  "Something just came over me."  Unsatisfied, he said, "Never mind.  Just tell me who Jesus is to you." 

He told us that her face lit up and she began to talk about Jesus in a way he had never heard any Catholic express themselves.  To her, Jesus was a real and living Presence, a dear Person in her life.

Sam left that church completely different---he now had a God-given mission to bring the Holy Spirit to the Catholic church, the Spirit who would make Jesus a real Person, a living Presence; the Spirit who would soften hard hearts and bring the gift of tears.  He began to pray intensely for that same action in his own life, and he became a great evangelist and preacher to Catholic audiences in Louisiana. 

Anyone who ever heard Sam Jacobs preach knew that he himself had been touched by the Holy Spirit.  He was truly "on fire" to make Jesus known through the power of the Holy Spirit.  Thankfully, Sam went on to become a bishop in North Louisiana.  God had prepared him to reach the Catholic church through the tears of a humble woman for whom he prayed in the Pentecostal church.

Total Freedom

Satan despises our individuality; he wants to suck all freedom of will from us, completely controling us as his instruments of evil and destruction.  God also wants us as His instruments of good on earth, and He also wants to "control" us, but only by our free and utter surrender into His hands.  He so respects our freedom and personhood that He will never come crashing into our lives.  Even when the Lord appeared to Saul on his way to Damascus, though it was a dramatic entrance, it was also the beginning of a two-way conversation:

Who are you, Lord?
I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting.

Jesus gave Saul directions which Saul was free to follow or not, in total freedom of will.  Of course, he was blind and helpless, but that gave him time to think and pray for three days.  We know that after his time of prayer, Saul/Paul became a willing "prisoner" of Jesus Christ.    The reason Jesus came in the flesh was in order to "make himself of no reputation, taking upon himself the form of a servant," in order to draw men by their own freedom to God.

The Holy Spirit, valuing our freedom, awaits our assent and, even after we welcome His Presence into our lives, He waits to see how open we are to His help.  As humble as Jesus, He puts Himself at our disposal in order to help others through us.  According to Katherine Marshall,

The startling truth is that [The Helper] will come to us and fill us only to the degree that we are willing to be filled.  He insists on being a welcome guest in our hearts and beings, never a trespasser or an interloper or a squatter (p. 127).

Paul says, "Do not grieve the Holy Spirit in whom you were sealed unto the day of redemption" (Eph. 4:30).  Our holding onto bitterness, anger, and rage grieves the Holy Spirit, but he will not violate our right to do so in total freedom.

Jesus says, Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone will open to me, I will come in and sup with him and he with me (Rev. 3:20).  It will always be our choice to open the door or to keep it closed.  The Spirit of God will never enter where He is not wanted or welcomed.  But if we choose to allow Him entrance into our lives, we cannot even imagine what He will do there.  Special and continued outpourings and filling will be given for ministry and tough situations, which we could never handle alone.  This has been the experience for many people for centuries---and it can be ours, if we are willing.

A Crumbling Wall

We think of sin as breaking laws, whereas Jesus thinks of sin as being bound.  As He began His ministry on earth, He repeatedly spoke of setting men free.  He came not to condemn the sinner, but to set us free from sin.

If we do not believe that Jesus can free us from whatever areas that bind us, then we just see him as Santa Claus, the bringer of gifts.  And we remain bound to our weakness and helplessness.

When we talk of sin, we mean lying, cheating, greed, abuse, temper, cruelty, etc.  But Jesus said this:  When he [the Helper] comes, he will convince the world concerning sin....because they do not believe in me (Jn. 16:7-9).

One of my confirmation students remarked that this seemed harsh, that we would be considered sinners because we do not believe in Jesus.  It takes some reflection on these words to dig out the meaning; if we stop at the surface, we tend to walk away not being able to accept what we think He was saying.

I remember when we moved into our first neighborhood---from an apartment.  How surprised I was to meet door-to-door evangelists for the first time, people who were presenting "The Four Spiritual Laws."  The first law was this:  All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  "Do you believe this?" they asked me.  Of course I did, so we went on the other laws.  Finally, they asked if I wanted to say the sinner's prayer with them.  I did not, for a number of reasons.  First, I had never prayed with anyone other than in church, and it felt strange to me.  I prayed in private and that was that!  

But later, on reflection, I realized that even though I assented to the four spiritual laws they presented and knew that I did commit sin, I did not consider myself a "sinner."  I was "trying" to do the right things, and I wasn't as "bad" as other people.  Ha!  Looking back on it now, I can see why I couldn't say the sinner's prayer---I was thinking of sin as what we do, not as what we place our trust.  I was trusting in myself, not in Jesus, to free me from sin.  God had to allow me to experience my total helplessness to do anything, even to get through the day, before I was willing to turn over my life to Him, even in the little things. 

He sent the Spirit to me in my darkest hour, and lifted me up when I was helpless to help myself.  And once I had begun to rely on the Spirit instead of myself, one evening at a prayer meeting, I saw a huge, crumbling, stone wall---higher than my head--with giant letters carved into the stones:  YOUR SINS ARE FORGIVEN! 

Up until that moment, though I knew I was far from perfect, I had not thought of myself as a "sinner."  Suddenly, I knew myself to be unable to ever do anything except for the grace and action of God Himself in me.  I knew myself to be a Sinner, and it was the most freeing moment of my entire life.  I no longer had to bear the burden of doing good---I could trust God with all the burdens of my life.  What a great relief!   I was set free! 

I told the group that night that previously I was rejoicing to have been in the company of the saints, but tonight, I was overjoyed to know that I was in the company of sinners who had been set free.  Of course, they all thought I was crazy, but for me it was a great revelation! 

Why would the Spirit's first priority be to convict us of sin?  That sounds anything but "comforting," and He is supposed to be The Comforter.  Relying on ourselves, our own strength, to save us is the fountainhead of all sin.  Undoubtedly, if we are strong, we will go further than others---but what of those who have no strength, who are so trod down and helpless, that they have little or no strength left?  If there is no Savior, they will perish.  Actually, we are all in need of a Savior, no matter how "strong and sleek" we appear to ourselves and others.  The sooner we realize it, the better off we are.  The Pharisees had no need of a "savior;" they could save themselves by knowing and being observant of the law. 

None of us can save ourselves; we need a Savior.  Once we recognize that truth, we can see our "strength" to be a crumbling wall and ourselves as defenseless behind it.  A few weeks ago, I happened to find a passage in Isaiah 30 that I had never before seen.  I was actually shocked to find this passage:

This is what the Holy One of Israel says:

"Because you have rejected this message,

relied on oppression,

and depended on deceit,

this sin will become for you

like a high wall, cracked and bulging,

that collapses suddenly, in an instant.

It will break in pieces like pottery,

shattered so mercilessly

that among its pieces not a fragment will be found

for taking coals from a hearth

or scooping water out of a cistern."

This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:

In repentance and rest is your salvation

in quietness and trust is your strength,

but you would have none of it.

You said, 'No, we will flee on horses,'

Therefore, you will flee!

You said, 'We will ride off on swift horses.'

Therefore your pursuers will be swift!

The entire chapter of Isaiah is well worth reading for its great message.  In a time of great national stress, Israel was looking for its help/deliverance from Egypt, one of the world powers at the time.  But it was the Lord who was longing to give them quiet pastures---and they just could not believe that He was strong enough to save them!

Thirty-five years ago, God gave me a clear vision of my sin/trust in my own strenth as a "crumbling wall." It took me all these years to find the image in Isaiah---but thank goodness, I got the message anyway.  The greatest "sin," what makes us "sinners" is failing to trust in God's strength instead of our own----ye shall be as gods, said the deceiver! 

And when the Holy Spirit arrives, His first task is to convict us of trusting in ourselves, instead of in The Savior He has provided.  Once we let go of our own strength, His strength becomes our salvation!  And that, for most of us, is the greatest leap of all.  Jesus trusted totally in the Father's goodness, mercy, and power to save Him, even in the face of a horrible death.  We need to allow Him to bring us to the same place of complete trust.

When the Spirit is at Work in Us

The child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him (Luke 2:40).

As the child Jesus grew and became strong, filled with wisdom, so too is our path/ growth in the spiritual life.  As the Spirit of God enters us and begins to re-shape our desires from the inside, we find that what once appealed to us has now lost its appeal and we are more drawn to the things of God.  The process is not an overnight change, but one that lasts a lifetime. 

The "thou shalt nots" of the Old Testament were, like parental rules, intended to keep the "children of God" safe from harm and danger until they were old enough to take upon themselves a personal relationship with the Almighty.  The problem with "thou shalt not" is that there is a stronger "law" in our human nature that is determined to break the rules, or at least to bend them.  Every teacher knows that no child breaks the rule exactly the way it is written, but figures out instead how to get around it without breaking it.  That is why the Jews had to write more and more "laws" to "build a fence around the law."

[In fact, now that I think about it, we should have forbidden our children from the start ever to eat fruits and vegetables.  We should have had "Do not touch" signs all over the apples and bananas, over the spinach and squash.  Then they would have been sneaking fruit into their bedrooms and hiding under the covers to eat it.]

We love to get away with forbidden fruit, not realizing that we are harming only ourselves along the way.  In changing our desires, the Holy Spirit deals with each one of us differently.  Only He knows where change truly needs to begin; even we ourselves, looking at symptomatic behavior, do not know where we need to begin.  What we believe to be the problem in our personalities may be only the symptoms of more deeply-rooted problems.

We try to improve our nature when the plan of God is to scrap it, to bury it, "crucified with Christ," and to give us a whole new nature created in the image of God.  When the Holy Spirit enters into us and is welcomed in us, He begins to "tabernacle" with us, as God dwelt in the midst of the Israelites in the desert.  Then we begin to experience the "newness of life" of which Paul spoke so often.

Even in the Old Testament, the prophets were looking forward to a new covenant:

But this shall be the covenant that I will make with the house of Israel; After those days, saith the Lord, I will put my law in their inward parts, and write it in their hearts...no longer will they have need to teach their friends and kinsmen how to know the Lord.  All, from least to greatest, shall know me, says the Lord (Jer. 31: 31).

I think Romans 7-8 are among the greatest chapters in the Bible for explaining the gracious plan of God to deal with our human nature.  Paul says that he does not understand himself at all, for in his mind, he agrees with the law of God, but in his human nature, he always ends up doing the very thing he determined not to do and failing to do the very thing he intended to do.  ( I love this because I can so relate to it.)  Then he says, Unhappy man that I am!  Who will release me from this law of sin and death at work in my members?

In Chapter 8, he goes on to say, Thanks be to God; it has already been done, for the [new] law [new covenant] of the spirit of life in Christ Jesus has freed me from the law of sin and death.

The Spirit of God dwelling within us gradually fills us with new desires to walk in new ways.  In total freedom, God does not seek to force us to change, but instead puts new desires into our hearts.  Jesus says, "My burden is light and my yoke is sweet;"  He means of course that it is no burden to live with the Spirit, for we actually want to do the right thing.  So as we open ourselves to the Spirit and give him permission to change us, we find ourselves going from "glory to glory, reflecting as in a mirror the face of the Lord" (2 Cor. 3:18).

I love this!

From glory to glory

And all of us...are constantly being transformed into His very own image in ever increasing splendor and from one degree of glory to another; for this comes from the Lord [Who is] the Spirit ( 2 Cor. 3:18).

The Holy Spirit can change our desires, our tastes, and our habits---but He works so gently and gradually that we ourselves might not even notice that we are changing at first.

One of the universal characteristics of people who fall in love is that they begin to "see" and appreciate nature all of a sudden, even if they had not noticed it previously:  "Has the moon always been that bright?"  "What a beautiful day!"  "Did you see that cardinal?"  Love has a way of softening and slowing people down to take in the wonders of the earth.  In the same way, once the Spirit begins working on our personalities, we "slow down" and "grow" more from the inside.

It is the job of the Holy Spirit to form in us the character of Jesus, without destroying-but enhancing- our own personalities.  It is more that Jesus takes on our flesh and lives through our particular lives.  When the Holy Spirit is at work in us, there are two processes going on simultaneously:  first, He is forming our character (the inner man) and second, He is producing gifts in us to be of service to others (the outer man).  The gifts (wisdom, understanding, knowledge, counsel, power, reverence, fear of the Lord) would be of no value without the character of Jesus; gifts --- useful for the church and for others-- can make us haughty if we are not careful.  Even the Apostles were arguing among themselves about who was the greatest, and in the Book of 1 Corinthians, Paul warns us of being "puffed up" about the gifts. 

Galatians 5:22 shows us what the Spirit first produces in us:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.  These are called the fruits of the Holy Spirit because they are result of the work of the Holy Spirit in us; we cannot give ourselves peace or joy.  We can "work on" patience and kindness, but that does not mean we actually feel those things, only that we are controlling ourselves.  The person who is being controlled by the Spirit of God does not need to "work on" these qualities---the Holy Spirit gradually changes us from the natural man to the image of Jesus, from glory to glory.

The Book of Ephesians outlines what Watchman Nee called The Normal Christian Life.  His first book, Sit, Walk, and Stand is an absolutely beautiful exposition of Ephesians as a whole book.  The first 3 chapters of Ephesians presents what God has already done for us while we were "sitting"---that is, helpless to help ourselves, much as the Israelites in Egypt.  God poured out on us all grace and every spiritual blessing, even while we were "dead in sin" and raised us up to sit with Christ in heavenly places. 

Since God took the initiative on our behalf, then, Paul urges us in Chapter 4 to "walk in the newness of faith," to "live a life worthy of the Lord," and to be "imitators of God."  Chapters 4 and 5 outline the way we are to walk in the "new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness." 

And Chapter 6 gives us the image of what we are to do when we can do no more--to put on the armor of God and to "stand," for we are wrestling against powers too strong for us.

It is worth reading and re-reading Ephesians with Watchman Nee's outline in mind---Sit, Walk, and Stand.  Once we see the pattern of how the Holy Spirit works, we can see it throughout the Old and New Testaments---in Genesis, in Exodus, in Psalm 23, in the Gospels and in the Book of Revelation---from glory to glory, we are being transformed! 

Unless the Lord Himself first ministers to us, we are unable to minister to anyone else.



Prayer of Catherine Marshall

Blessed be the Lord, Who bears our burdens and carries us day by day,

even the God Who is our salvation! (Ps. 68:19)

Prayer:  Lord, I confess that have been reluctant to admit You into my daily life in relation to small, intimate needs.  I had not thought that the Lord of the universe, high and lifted up, should be bothered about my little problems.  Yet here You are making it clear to us that the Helper will be as close to us as our own thoughts, supplying even needed information and reminding us in a critical moment of Your words of promise and blessing. 

Thank You too for putting Your finger so incisively on a deeper reason for my reluctance to admit You to the minutiae of my life.  I have been afraid of the fair exchange You are asking of me; the Helper will supply everything--even those small needs--in exchange for my whole life.  Not only does He want to use me, He wants an exuberance of giving on both sides.

Lord, melt away any pockets of resistance left.  Don't let me hug any part of my life to myself.

Show me today how to take at least one definite step of trusting the Helper.  Thank You, Lord.  Amen.

Is God With Us or Not?

We tend to think that God is concerned only for the welfare of our "eternal souls," but that our daily, minute-to-minute lives are up to us---that, somehow, He's too busy to care about the little things, or that He is "above it all."

I have heard people say that God does not care whether we find a parking place or not, that we should not pray about such things.  That hurts me so much because I have experienced the God-Who-Cares-and Who-Is-Here in each moment of our lives.  The Holy Spirit is attentive to whatever is of present, practical importance to us.  If it's important to us, it's important to God.

I was first baptized in the Spirit through the prayer of a 22-year-old girl who had just had a baby and who continued to hemmorage for a number of days.  Her baby went home with her grandmother, while she stayed in the hospital.  I was her roommate, and she ended up praying that I would receive the Gift of the Holy Spirit, as she had done some years previously.

The prayer of that young girl changed my life forever:  from fearful to growing confidence, from lack of faith to growing faith, from feeling alone to growing knowledge that God was with me! 

After she prayed for me, her bleeding stopped, and she went home that day.  I was in the hospital for a few more days following surgery.  The first night I was home, I was praying after everyone else was asleep---around 9:30 pm.  Something kept telling me to call Dinette.  Now, I still do not call anyone at 9:30 at night, least of all a mother with a new baby!  Besides, I had nothing to say to her.  Why call?  But there was an insistent voice telling me to call her.  (This was my very first experience with the gentle but insistent nudging of the Spirit, so I was very resistent, thinking I was making it up myself.)

Finally, because I could do nothing else, I hesitantly called her number.  When she answered the phone, she said, "Wait a minute."  When she came back, she told me that her husband was out of town and that she had just gotten the baby to sleep and then put the nipples on the stove in a pan of water to sterilize.  Then she got in the shower and forgot about the pan on the stove.  The water had all but evaporated when she went into the kitchen to answer the phone.

Now, God knew what a disaster it would have been for this young mother to have melted all the nipples for her baby's nighttime feedings.  When I told her that I didn't have anything to say, but that something kept telling me to call her, we were both intensely grateful for the insistent Voice of a God-Who-Cares.  That was my first, and perhaps most important lesson in listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus said that after He went back to the Father, He would send The Helper.  In His earthly sojourn, He was one man in the flesh.  When He sent the Holy Spirit, His spirit filled the earth at first in the 120 disciples who were filled with the same Spirit that filled Jesus on earth.  Then the Spirit entered the 3000 observant Jews who were in Jerusalem to celebrate Pentecost---the harvest feast.  They went back to their towns and villages, probably like Dinette, telling of what had happened to them and praying for their friends and neighbors. 

God has no hands and feet but ours to do His work, as Mother Teresa reminded us.  But the Spirit in us prompts us to take care of the little things that make up our every-day life.  When we learn to become sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit, God can work through us.  The Spirit speaks in many ways: urges, promptings, uneasiness, stopping us from doing something we are about to do.  We have all known these things, but have not always paid attention to the results.  Later, we say, "Thank God I did.... or did not....."

It is important to realize that the Spirit will never tell us to do anything dishonest, unloving, selfish, etc....nor anything contrary to Scripture.  It helps when we can check our promptings with someone in the church that we trust, because God will give discernment to a fellow Christian if necessary to guide us.  However, when there is not time to check, and when the urging of the Spirit does not seem to violate love or to hurt someone, it is worth experimenting to find out if the Spirit is truly directing us or not. 

Nothing will so strengthen our faith and convince us of the tender presence of God and of His concern for the small moments of our lives as paying attention to the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Connecting to the spirit within

A healthy spirit is that aspect of our personality that allows us to connect to our deepest self and to other people; it is the source of our energy, courage, resilience, and hope. 

For many people, the question is how we find the healthy spirit within us--that spark of hope and courage.  Jesus said, The thief comes to maim and destroy; I have come that you might have life and have it more abundantly. 

There is something that seems determined to enslave and diminish the spirit in us crying out to be recognized and acknowledged.  The world, the devil, evil---who knows exactly what it is that seems to want to destroy the good, the energy, the life that is in us? 

Poetry, art, music, nature, good friends, and religion all seem to have the power to engage the spirit buried so deeply within us.  All touch us in ways that we cannot express.  I recall being in Sicily once for ten days.  I did not know how to process the combination of beauty, the quality of light on the water and in the sky, and history---the lives of ages past.  On the last day, as we drove for hours across rolling fields of growing crops, having just visiting an ancient Roman villa preserved all these years by an earthquake which had buried the house and art, I wept silently.  Something had touched my soul, but I did not know what it was or how to deal with the movement within. 

Evil wounds us along our paths, and the soul defends itself against the wounding by covering up so that it can no longer connect with God, the Source of Life; as we cannot connect with God, we can no longer connect with our deepest selves---and as we lose ourselves, we cannot connect with other people.  Jesus said, What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and suffer the loss of his own soul?

Hell must be the total loss of connection to God, to the center of our own personhood, and to others; it must be a loss of connection to beauty, to the earth, to the lessons of history, to art and to music and poetry. 

So how do we keep ourselves alive, creative, energetic, whole?  How do we nourish the spirit within us?

I am currently taking an art class, but discovering that what touches my soul is not the painting I am doing but the teacher leading the class---a wounded healer.  This man tried to drop out of school in the 11th grade because he felt like a failure.  The beautiful spirit within him was crushed because he could not read.  He did not recognize the sounds connected to the letters and lived in fear every day of derision from teachers and the other students.  Fortunately, when he applied for the army, the recruiter told him it would be best if he first finished high school.  As he exited the recruiting office, his school principal "happened" to be passing by and saw him.  On discovering the situation, the principal promised to speak to all of the teachers.  From that day on, no teacher called on him to read out loud, and much to his surprise at a reunion many years later, he found out that none of his classmates had ever realized that he could not read. 

Surviving high school, he went on to work and later on in life "happened" to run into a man teaching art.  He became a disciple, watching every movement of the brush and listening to every word of the teacher.  As the teacher became too old to continue teaching, he asked this student to take over the class.  Now, this man who could not read in high school paints, does beautiful sculptures in bronze, woodcarvings, and who knows what else?  He teaches scores of beginners like me without making us feel inferior for the simple works we produce---indeed, his encouragement makes us believe we are doing well, no matter what.

More importantly, his own suffering has led him to connect with a high school boy who is failing and who is discouraged by failure.  This man takes him fishing on a regular basis, helping the young boy to connect with beauty and life rather than with demands and expectations. 

To paint, to play music, to sing, to write poetry or prose, to be able to find comfort and solace in nature, to find and touch the energy of one's own soul---and thereby to connect with those who are searching to do the same---this is life! 

Someone who spent much of her life in mental institutions wrote this:

Our true natures are bled out of us by some religious teachings, by terrifying family experiences, and the pain of mental illness.  [But] we are not just pieces of damaged psyches.  When you get rid of the toxic material many of us have carried from our early experiences, the majestic spirit can emerge.

Rainer Marie Rilke wrote a poem called "God Speaks to Each One of Us," in which he said

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror.

Just keep going.  No feeling is final.

Don't let yourself lose me.

Where is the "me" in each one of us?  Where is the alive, strong, resilient, spiritual, energy?  How can we find and nourish that part of us?  How can we live and not die every day of our lives?  Where is the place of safety that allows our majestic spirits to emerge?

A Sense of Safety

God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress (Ps. 46:1)

Our help is in the Lord,

Who made heaven and earth (Ps. 124).

As the mountains surround Jerusalem,

so the Lord surrounds his people

both now and forevermore (Ps. 125).

Unless the Lord watches over the city,

the watchmen stand guard in vain (Ps. 127).

As we approach the 10th anniversary of 9-11, more and more we realize the truth of Abraham Mazlow's "Heirarchy of Needs."  In 1943, Mazlow introduced his theory of human motivation based on a pyramid of needs that must be satisfied before moving on to the next level.  Of course, the most basic needs at the bottom of the pyramid were those of basic survival:  food , water, sleep, and warmth.   Once those needs have been met, people can move on to the next level, which are for safety and security.

As we so terrifyingly learned ten years ago on Sept. 11 and then six years ago in Hurricane Katrina, if we don't feel safe and protected, we cannot do anything else.  All life and growth come to a halt until we feel safe once again.

When God promised Abraham "a land I will show you," the promise was to establish him and his descendents in a place of safety, where they could flourish and grow, a place of refuge from their enemies.  Because of Israel's location as the crossroads of the civilized world, they were always surrounded by very strong and powerful enemies---Egypt on the south border, Assyria and Babylon on the north.  Even within their own territory, the Philistines on the coast were a constant threat to their safety.  However, once they were settled in the Promised Land, whenever they were attacked, God would raise up a strong leader to defend the land and to repel the enemy. 

David became great in Israel because he, with God's guidance and strength, defeated Goliath, the leader of the Philistine army encamped around Jerusalem, "the city of peace." Later, as king, David was able to establish the borders and the peace of Israel.  Under his leadership, culture and literature began to flourish because the people at last felt safe.  From his time in the desert, hiding from the threat of death at the hands of Saul, David learned "by heart" and by experience that God was his "help and his strength, an ever-present help in distress" (Ps. 46:1).  That is why the Psalms, most of which were written by David, resound with phrases like the ones above.

In America, we have accomplished so much and grown so much because for so many years, we have enjoyed a wonderful sense of safety.  We have natural geographical borders for the most part; we have had a strong military protection, and fairly good relationships with our neighbors---all of which have allowed us to pursue development instead of defense.  Now, however, our protections are eroding.  We are back to the base of Mazlow's heirarchy of needs; we are being forced to concentrate on the basic needs of survival and on protection and safety.

As David learned in the desert, as Israel was forced to learn by its very location, we are slowly coming to learn that "unless the Lord guards the city, in vain do the guards keep vigil."  The prophet Isaiah wrote centuries ago in the Lord's name:

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you,

and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

when you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned or scorched,

the flames shall not set you ablaze (Is. 43:2).

As a nation, we may have forgotten wherein lies our true safety, as Moses warned the Israelites just before they entered the Promised Land:

When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the Lord your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the Lord your God, failing to observe his commands...that I am giving you this day.  Otherwise, when you eat are are satisfied, when you build fine houses and settle down, and when your herds and flocks grow large and your silver and gold increase and all you have is multiplied, then your heart will become proud and you will forget the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, the land of slavery.... You may say to yourself, "My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me."....

If you ever forget the Lord your God and follow other gods and worship and bow down to them, I testify against you today that you will surely be destroyed.  Like the nations the Lord destroyed before you, so you will be destroyed for not obeying the Lord your God (Deut. 8: 11-19).

I pray that we as a nation can regain our sense of safety as one nation under God.

Expecting the Spirit

The Holy Spirit is a Person.  With a personality, with His own gifts and ways of doing things, with His own words.

So when we invite Him into our lives, He will choose Himself how He will arrive and how He will begin to reveal Himself, and the work He wants to do first in us.  Jesus told Nicodemus that just as he could not tell where the wind came from or where it would go, so would be the action of the Holy Spirit in our lives.  We cannot control, manipulate, or predict what He will do.

It helps to have our eyes open, to be awake and aware and still, to be waiting and expectant---not of certain results, but of the fact that if we have asked, the Spirit of God will come to us.  As with any person, we probably should recognize His Personhood and approach Him as we would a friend, requesting His Presence.

As we study the lives of great people of God---C.S.Lewis, Deitrich Bonhoffer, Watchman Nee, John Wesley, the Catholic Saints----we find the arrival of the Spirit in their lives in manifold ways, not always dramatic, but nevertheless real and progressive.  God does not announce the dawn with trumpets, nor the unfolding of a rose with orchestral strings.  But each arrives in its own time, we know not how.  We see the result of slow progression, and we know something has happened.

Quietly, but surely, the Holy Spirit will make His Presence and action known to us---if we continue to welcome Him.  Sometimes, He will begin speaking to us at odd moments through the day, directing our actions.  Sometimes, he will stop us on the verge of saying something critical or harsh or sarcastic.  Sometimes, He will give us "inspiration" in ways of doing things that save us time or extra effort.  Or He will remind us of something important we are about to forget.

Methodically and gradually, He will begin to bring one area of life after another under His control---health, finances, relationships, work, etc.  He is all about healing, reconciliation, balance, harmony, and peace.  Some aspects of our lives and personalities will take longer than others to heal; it is a life-time process.

Jesus told the Apostles that He would love them and manifest Himself to them.  His words were also for us, not just for them.  He manifests Himself to us through the Holy Spirit.  If we ask for this manifestation, we will surely begin to experience it.

Repentance is "letting go"

A couple of years ago, during a visit from my daughter-in-law, she happened to see some of my nice glassware stashed away in an upper cabinet.  "Why are you hiding these and not using them every day?" she asked me.  I looked at what I had been using every day--an odd, mis-matched assortment of old glassware that I had had for years.  The "good" stuff had belonged to my mother, so I was storing it, not using it.  I was used to the old, scratched, glassware, so it had not occurred to me that I should get rid of it.

With my daughter-in-law's help, I cleaned out all the old, non-attractive glassware and brought out the prettier glasses for everyday use.  Now, everytime I open the cabinet, I am grateful for her artist's eye for the everyday things.

It's hard for us to let go of what we have been used to relying on in our "old" natures---the anger, the rebellion, the selfishness---even if it's not very attractive or useful anymore.  Those are the tools that we have used so long that they seem to us 'normal.'   It takes a fresh eye to see what might be hidden possibilities in our personalities:  why don't you try this?

When we finally allow the Spirit of God to enter our personalites, He begins to point out areas that need to go.  Of course, these are our old security blankets; without them we are going to feel defenseless.  How will we ever face dangerous situations without them?  And, like the semi-fragile glassware in the upper cabinets, we may be afraid that we will break if we don't defend ourselves with the old familiar patterns.

What God is saying to us is this:  If you throw out the old familiar securities, I will give you my own inner life.  You will not be afraid of the "terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day" (Ps. 91:5).

We tend to use the patterns we learned as children to defend ourselves, to keep ourselves from being broken, just as I used the old glassware to protect those I had hidden from sight and use.  But God is all about bringing out what is hidden and protected from our inner selves---the beauty, the fragility, the valuable!  He is not satisfied with our defended and protected personalities, because all of our energy is going to protecting ourselves and not blossoming outwards.

Meditating, slowly re-reading and digesting Ps. 91, is a wonderful way to begin letting go of our own defenses, of bringing out the hidden treasures of our souls and putting away the scratched shields that are keeping us safe from harm.  Why hold onto our anger, when it accomplishes nothing?  Why not surrender it into the hands of One who knows how to protect the fragile glassware hidden in our personalities?

Conviction of sin

When he comes, he will convict the world of ...sin ... because they do not believe in me (Jn. 16:8).

One of the tasks of the Holy Spirit, and one sign of His presence and action in us, is the conviction of sin.  We don't really see sin in ourselves until He arrives---then we are not condemned, but convicted.  There is a huge difference. 

We spend a great deal of time in self-defense, justifying ourselves to ourselves and to others---until the Spirit of God gently begins to open our eyes.  When we finally begin to see ourselves as God sees us, under the action of the Spirit, it is not to condemn us, but to heal us.  We become sorrowful and subdued, resolving not to continue acting that way anymore.  Other people may condemn us; we may condemn ourselves---but condemnation is not repentance; it is not healing. 

An alcoholic in sober moments condemns himself but keeps on drinking to mask the pain.  He is not healed and set on a different path.  One in recovery is so convicted that he/she is determined never again to inflict that kind of pain on himself or on others.  Sinners in recovery are so aware of their weakness and tendency to inflict pain that they do not trust themselves at all.  They know that unless Jesus Himself sustains them, they will certainly fail.  They do not rely on their own resources or strength, but His.

When Jesus says, "He will convict the world of sin because they do not believe in me," He means that as long as we do not cast all of our hope / trust on Him to save us, we will continue to sin.  If we believe/ trust Him as our "higher power," in the words of AA, we will not continue to sin---He can keep us when we cannot keep ourselves.  Strong resolutions are not the answer, but knowing ourselves in our weakness (conviction of sin), and knowing that we can not help ourselves, is.

Blaise Paschal (1600's) wrote this:

[People] revile the Christian religion, because they misunderstand it.  They imagine that it consists simply in the worship of a God considered as great, powerful, and eternal; which is strictly deism, almost as far removed from the Christian religion as atheism....And thence they conclude that this religion is not true...

But let them conclude what they will against deism, they will conclude nothing against the Christian religion, which properly consists in the mystery of the Redeemer, who, uniting in Himself the two natures, human and divine, has redeemed men from the corruption of sin in order to reconcile them in His divine person to God.

The Christian religion teaches men these two truths: that there is a God whom men can know, and that there is a corruption in their nature which renders them unworthy of Him.  It is equally important to men to know both of these points; and it is equally dangerous for man to know God without knowing his own wretchedness, and to know his own wretchedness without knowing the Redeemer who can free him from it.

The conviction brought to us by the Holy Spirit lets us see both truths---we are not "good;" we are weak and helpless---but there is One who is good and who has taken upon Himself our weakness to redeem us.  If He is allowed to begin living His life in us, He can continue to bury the man of sin and raise the man of God in us.  Until we come to that realization, we are just Deists and still dying in our sins.

Receiving the Spirit

I begin to see that without the Spirit my personal life and my church's life are as inert and dead as lifeless clay.

(Prayer of Katherine Marshall: The Helper)

Jesus Himself is the One Who baptizes with the Holy Spirit.  John the Baptist said, "I baptize you with water, but one comes after me, whose sandals I am not worthy to untie, who will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire."

After His resurrection, Jesus met the Apostles in a locked room, breathed on them, and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit."

The Comforter...Whom I [Jesus] will send to you.....(Jn. 15:26)

To think that we can receive power / energy/ effectiveness for ministry without Jesus' sending the Spirit to us and in us is foolish.  Without Him, we can do nothing.  As the Father has sent Me, so also I send you.   

I have chosen you that you might bear fruit, and that your fruit might remain.

In the Book of Exodus, Moses "went" to save one of the Jews from the harsh treatment of the Egyptian----but compassionate though he was, he had not been "sent" yet for that mission.  The result was his exile from Egypt for 40 years.

Every one of us has a "mission" in our hearts; we are burdened with sorrow over someone or some situation, but helpless to change the circumstances.  We need the breath of God to blow through us and others if we are to see a change.    The Spirit of God is connected to the life/ breath of Jesus Christ.

If we desire the Spirit, we need to ask the Baptizer, the Bestower of the Spirit, to breathe on us, on others that we love, on situations and circumstances.

I was caught by Katherine Marshall's prayer above because in my own church, we need to replace a catechist and cannot find one person willing to take his place.  Reflecting on this situation, I realized how much we need the Holy Spirit to fill our congregation.  Those who are filled with the Spirit cannot wait to tell others the good news---even to the point sometimes of being obnoxious, before they learn gentleness and trust in God to relay the message.

I'm asking Jesus, the Baptizer, to send His Spirit of truth into the hearts of all those I meet in Church today.  Maybe they should be warned ahead of time!

Trust and Obey

How can the Good Shepherd lead His sheep to green pastures and protect them from harm if they refuse to follow Him? (Katherine Marshall, The Helper)

There are so many landmines our children must navigate through today.  At one time, if you walked your children to school and held their hands, you could protect them.  Today, the enemies have invaded our homes through television and computers and cell phones connected to the world-wide-web.  We can no longer protect our children's souls by controlling their environments.

When Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt into the desert, the Spirit of the Lord went with them, protecting them from the heat of the sun by day and from the cold by night, with a cloud and a pillar of fire.  God does not lead us out of bondage only to abandon us to our own resources.  He "hovers" over us like a helicoptor mom, watching, protecting, guiding, intending good and not harm. 

The flip side of God's loving providence is trust and obedience.  We need to learn to "hear" and obey the prompting of the Spirit.  If we are all alone on the journey, it is most difficult to trust that what we are hearing is the prompting of the Spirit and not our own imaginations or voices.  Within a faith community, however, we learn that the Spirit of God is indeed guiding us.  If we cannot trust ourselves, He will prompt another person to tell us.

When I first began teaching part-time at Delgado, something kept telling me to go to Grad school.  I kept squashing that idea:  I had started teaching because we were desperate for a second income, and I had all I could do to keep my head above water with grading papers and feeding the children.  There was no way I could go to grad school on top of everything else.  At 45, I kept telling myself that I was too old to start grad school.  After almost a year of rationalizing why I could not go to grad school and resisting the impulse to do so, a friend of mine called me.  I had not spoken to Evelyn in 6-7 years, since leaving the prayer group we had both belonged to.  But she had had a dream about me.  In the dream, I kept walking around a pond that had a number of paths leading away from it.  Each time I reached one path, I would stop and look down it, and then continue to walk around the pond one more time. 

Immediately, I knew exactly what the dream meant.  It was a perfect description of the previous months' indecision and hesitation.  Convinced that God was speaking to me through Evelyn's dream, I took steps to enter grad school, convinced that I would not be able to handle it and that it would kill me.  I still needed to work, I thought, so how.....????     What I did not know at the time was that there were Graduate Assistant programs that would pay my tuition and books and give me a living allowance---not much, but not too far below what I was earning as a part-time teacher.  What I also did not know at the time was that I could never work full-time at Delgado without a Master's Degree.  But God knew!  And He was guiding me along the path even when I could not see what lay ahead. 

Grad school prepared me in ways I could not dream for the work I needed to do at Delgado.  My research undergirded everything I wanted to do for the students who so desperately needed my guidance.  I could lead them with surety instead of guessing.  I could never have done the work demanded of me without the foundation of grad school.

God is a wonderful Shepherd, if we can just learn to hear and obey with trust.  Phil. 2:13 says this:

[Not in your own strength] for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you---energizing and creating in you the power and desire---both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.

We have no confidence in ourselves, in our ability to hear and obey---but if we want to hear and obey, God will make it possible in ways we could not dream of.

Not Politically Correct

Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to men by which we must be saved (Acts 4:12).

No one comes to the Father but by me (Jn. 14:16).

Dogmatic. 

Not intellectually or socially acceptable. 

Not permissible to say. 

Not politically correct.

When Christ ascended to heaven, He was crowned with power and riches, wisdom and strength, honor, glory, and blessing (Rev. 5:12).  Everything in the heavens and on earth was made subject to Him, including all powers of evil.

But He did not receive these things to lord it over the earth; we are still the passion of His heart.  He allowed himself to suffer the cross for us--that He might receive these gifts for us.  He is not preening in His glory; He is distributing gifts to mankind---power and riches, wisdom and strength, honor, glory, and blessing:

When He ascended on high, He led captivity captive---He led a train of vanquished foes---and He bestowed gifts on men (Eph. 4:8)

No other prophet, powerful as he may be, has ever claimed to bestow gifts on his followers, but all of the crowned Christ's resources and graces have become available to us.  In the Parable of the Prodigal Son, Jesus dramatized the story---the prodigal returns home after having gone through all of his own resources.  The father was delighted to give everything he had to the wayward son, much to the chagrin of the older brother, who probably had been secretly rejoicing that now he would inherit the entire estate.

What other prophet has told us to call God "Our Father"?  What other prophet has bestowed on his followers the same relationship with God that he enjoys:  Go and tell my brothers that I have risen and am going to My God and your God, My Father and your Father.

The difference with the followers of Jesus is that we are truly receivers of all of His gifts and blessings.  What parent does not yearn to pass on to our children everything good that we possess---spiritually, intellectually, materially?  If we are good receivers of Christ's bounty, He considers His sacrifice worthwhile.  But if we refuse to accept what He offers, His gifts on our behalf have failed.

No amount of political correctness can change the truth---there is only One way to receive the relationship to God that Christ offers.  It is not our worthiness that draws the relationship; it is free to all who will receive it.

Simplicity

Yesterday I wrote about asking, seeking, knocking, and continuing to do so until we are gifted from on high.  This morning, I read this quote from Flannery O'Connor, a novelist who said that all her stories were about "the action of grace on a character who is not very willing to support it."

It is much harder to believe than not to believe.  If you feel you can't believe, you must at least do this:  keep an open mind.  Keep it open towards faith, keep wanting it, keep asking for it, and leave the rest to God.

What a wonderful, simple, approach to faith!  I love it!  For years, when I heard people say, "We must have faith," I would think to myself, "Why don't you tell us how to 'have' faith---where to 'get' it."

I think Flannery O'Connor's formula is within almost anyone's reach---keep an open mind, ask for it, and leave the rest to God.  This throws the ball into God's court, which is where it should be, and takes the struggle out of our hands.  It is not for us to manufacture faith; it is only for us to receive it from the hands of a loving and gracious Father, who gives willingly and generously to all who ask.

I'm thinking I must read more of O'Connor's approach towards faith.