Speak Your Word...

 Speak Your Word into my heart, O Spirit of God!

This is the second time it has happened.  Two years ago, I had a bronchoscopy under anesthesia.  As I awoke, but before I was alert enough to even have a thought, I saw and heard the 23rd Psalm as though I were watching a video.  The words appeared before me in similar fashion to the opening of the original Star Wars movie -- rolling upward on a screen, as I heard them spoken to me.  I was astonished, knowing that I had no capacity at the moment to even imagine such a thing.  In fact, a moment later, the nurse, seeing my eyes open, came over to ask me a question.  Still under the effects of anesthesia, I could not answer at the moment.  So I knew that what I was seeing and hearing could not be coming from my imagination.  It had to be a gift from the Holy Spirit, speaking to me at a time of great weakness.  

Yesterday, I had another bronchoscopy, but this time was under anesthesia for two hours, as the doctor performed five procedures in an attempt to finally diagnose the lung cancer she can see on the CT scan.  Coming out of the anesthesia was much more difficult this time; I felt like a butterfly pinned to a table, unable to move or speak.  And yet, as I opened my eyes, I once again saw and heard Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd....   This time, the words were not dramatic, but visually and auditorially very soft.  It felt as if a light blanket were being gently laid over my body.  And the entire Psalm was present to me, not just the opening words.

Actually, I had forgotten all about the first incident going into this surgery.  And so the second event was as unexpected as the first.  I could neither think nor speak, but just received the words as comfort, with a few tears of thanksgiving.  I knew once again that I could not be manufacturing this experience, as my brain was not yet engaged.  It had to be a gift from the Holy Spirit at a moment of extreme weakness. 

What this experience has done for me is to make me realize that God does not leave us alone in times of stress or weakness.  He is even more present to us in love and mercy and tenderness.  And it gives me great hope that I will not face death alone, but that His Word will be with me to comfort, guide, and lead me to the next life. 

The Power of the Sacrament

 For the very first time since I knew I had lung cancer in 2010, I felt fear.  For 13 years, I have known only the peace and joy of knowing that the Lord is my Shepherd:  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou are with me.  Thy rod and thy staff bring me comfort.

And yet, yesterday morning, for some reason, fear overwhelmed me.  I am scheduled next week for yet another bronchoscopy. A tumor has been appearing on the left lung since 2016, but no biopsy or procedure has been able to capture it for diagnosis and treatment.  This time, my doctor thinks she can get a piece of it with a new instrument, and if she does, then radiation is the next step.  

I went into Mass thinking that I would not ask to be anointed for this procedure, as I have been anointed so many times previously.  I figured the power of the sacrament still held -- that it didn't "wear off," so to speak.  But then, for some reason, during Mass, I was encompassed by fear.  Not fear of dying, but fear of radiation and its side effects.  I knew myself to be weak, and I did not want to face pain and suffering.  In tears, I did request an anointing after Mass.

As the priest laid his hands upon my head, the most profound peace once again entered my soul and mind.  I knew I had nothing to fear, that the same God who had brought me through before would be with me once again.  Peace --- and freedom from worry and fear ---- took over.

Afterwards, I wondered why the sudden experience of fear.  And I wondered if I was supposed to once again experience the power of the sacrament (the anointing of the sick).  That I might know and testify to the working of the sacraments on our behalf.  If this laying on of hands and anointing with oil is so powerful, how much more the Eucharist, when God Himself joins His body and soul, heart and mind to ours!