Wounded Healers

Ten years ago, my husband was diagnosed with melanoma, and it was a scarey time for both of us.  In the first few weeks afterwards, the future seemed uncertain, and I was anxious.  Then I received a note from a colleague in the Nursing School, someone I had met and worked with only a few times and who I did not know well.  But she had taken the time and thought to hand-write a card that touched me so much.  Today, I found it again, and again I was touched by her kindness and thoughtfulness. 

Because she herself had had cancer more than once, she was able to put our situation in a framework that no one else could do, with all their best wishes:

I was saddened to hear about your husband's melanoma and have been thinking about how I can succintly and gracefully capture some ideas to share with you.  Cancer has touched my life again and again.  If one lives long enough, (in this day and age), it's inevitable.  But whether it's cancer or tragedy or injury or even menopause or whatever, I'm struck with the opportunity we have to re-create and remember who we are.  My initial reaction when you told me about your husband was: What a journey you're on, an interesting and adventurous new chapter.  We both know how important attitude and "reframing" is.  I wondered how this is for you. My hope is that you can and will relax into it.  Your wisdom and spiritedness will lead you exactly where you need to go.  You have everything you need inside.  Be still.

It is but life as we know it, with its winding roads and illusions.  Cancer has a way of shattering our stability and returning us to our essence.  It is the gift in the confusion.  Fare thee well, Gayle Nolan and your husband.  My thoughts of good will surround you.  

I did not sign Barb's name because I have not received her permission to do so.  In fact, I have lost track of this "wounded healer" since I retired.  But her wisdom left a permanent presence with me.  As I re-read her note this morning, I was struck by its similarity to what Jill Bolte Taylor described in her book My Stroke of Insight.  She too was able to "re-frame" her tragedy into a blessing of wisdom and truth, not only for herself, but for all who read her book.  Once again, we see a person "returning to her essence" in the midst of illness.

In the Second Book of Corinthians, Paul says that if he suffers, it is for the sake of the new Christians, because in his sufferings, he finds God's consolation, or encouragement -- a consolation or encouragement he is then able to pass on to them.  In fact, at one point, Paul says he was so crushed as to believe that he would die---but in the midst of extremity, God restored and strengthened him. 

Those who suffer with grace and trust find God.  And they are able to pass on to those coming after them the very grace and strength they themselves have received.  Maybe in the end, this is what it means to be wise -- to be a wounded healer.