Revelation

"Gayle, you cannot give yourself peace."

Until Sr. Geautreaux spoke those words to me at The Cenacle, a retreat house in Metairie, in 1977, I had not realized that peace is exactly what I had been searching for.  All my life, I had sought God; I had attended Mass faithfully, and had often experienced peace both at Mass and during other times of quiet prayer.  By 1977, however, with three small children, there was no time for prayer during the day or night, and Mass was not exactly a time for reflection either, as I often had to retrieve a child from under a pew or quiet a crying infant. 

I had begun to search in other places for peace:  in yoga, in reading Unitarian literature, in fellowship groups, etc.  Again, all avenues "worked" for that moment that I could remain in them.  But in my daily life, I felt like a failure as I constantly faced things I either couldn't or didn't accomplish.  Beds were unmade, meals were uncooked, diapers were waiting to be washed, and I always felt that I was failing at being a good mother. 

When I finally collapsed emotionally, my husband took the children for three days and sent me off to the Cenacle for R&R.  There, I met Sr. Geautreaux, one of the counselors, who listened to me and then told me that I could not give myself peace.  That was a moment of great grace and revelation for me!  It seems obvious, but it wasn't to me at the time.  I realized that if I were to have peace, it would have to be received, not manufactured, and I started to look up, rather than within, to find it. 

I left the Cenacle with hope, for the first time in my life, not thinking that "I" had to solve my own problems, but believing/knowing that I could receive whatever I needed from above.  Within that same year, I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit and began to experience the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, the Jesus promised to His disciples at the Last Supper.  I began to receive the direction I needed for each day and the "peace that passes all understanding," the knowing that things were okay, even if I still seemed to not be very effective in my role as mother and wife. 

Jesus said, Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (Jn. 14:27).

We might find moments of peace "as the world gives," moments carved out of prayer or quiet listening, or vacation---but the peace given to us by Jesus surpasses all times and conditions, even when things are not going 'well' for us.  It is the day-to-day fruit of His Spirit dwelling in us, as the Comforter, telling us in the words of Julian of Norwich: You shall see for yourselves that all things will be well, and all manner of things will be well.  This is the peace announced to the shepherds of Bethlehem:  Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth among men of good will.  There is no other true peace but that which comes to us through the person of Jesus.