Fear and Faith

It was a warm summer's afternoon in the 1980's.  We were living in Metairie, about 4 miles from our church, and I was getting ready to attend the Saturday vigil Mass at 5:00 pm.  For some odd reason, I had forgotten that my husband was attending a conference downtown, and since we had only one car, I had no transportation to church.  I walked out the front door about 20 minutes to 5 and stood in mild shock staring at the empty driveway.  I briefly thought about starting to walk to church, but then realized the impossibility of making 4 miles in 20 minutes.  Suddenly, I heard a voice in my spirit: Fear turns back; Faith goes forward.

Laughing at my own foolishness, I decided to take a chance.  The worst that could happen would be that I would go a mile and turn back, having taken a much-needed walk.  The best that could happen would be that I would get a ride to church and learn something about faith.  My biggest problem was that we lived alongside a canal, and in order to cut off about half a mile's distance, I would have to walk in the weeds along the canal for a short distance in my good clothes and shoes. 

Rapidly trudging alongside the canal, I tried not to think about how stupid this whole idea was.  Actually, though, I had an inner sense of adventure and excitement.  I was, in a sense, "testing God" to see if the voice in my head was real or only my imagination.  After leaving the weeds, I walked alongside the main road for about half a mile when I spotted some good friends at an intersection.   They were waiting for traffic to clear when they saw me waving from across the street.  Crossing over to go in my direction, they stopped to pick me up, asking whether I was going to church too.

When they heard my story, they could not believe it.  They had been leaving for church when their mother realized she had forgotten something and so had been delayed for a few minutes while she went back into the house to retrieve it.  Thus, they "happened" to be at the intersection at the same time I arrived there.  What a great lesson it was for both of us:  Fear turns back; faith goes forward!

Mulling over the whole situation later, I realized that if I had gotten ready for church knowing that I had no car and not enough time to walk, it might have been presumption on my part to think God would provide a way, when I could have just waited until Sunday morning to attend Mass.  But my decision to walk was based solely on the direction of the moment, which I though might have been coming from the Holy Spirit.  I wanted to test that voice, which seemed so strong and so sure.  It was hard for me to believe that I was making it up on the spur of the moment.  And how glad I was that I decided to try it out!  I was learning to believe that God would guide me in more difficult moments of my life. 

It seems to me that this was what the journey of Abraham might have been all about.  First, a Voice inviting him to take a chance to "Come and see."  Then, Abraham being intrigued and wondering what might happen if he ventured forth.  Could this Voice be trusted?  And finding out along the way that he was not left alone after all.  Little by little discovering in small and then in larger ways that he was being held up and accompanied on the way.

The Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard wrote: We cannot stop doubt with reasons. Those who try have not learned that it is wasted effort.....if someone wanted to be [Jesus's] follower, he said to that person something like this: "Venture a decisive act; then you can begin, then you will know."  What does this mean? It means that no one becomes a believer by hearing about Christianity, by reading about it, by thinking about it....No, a certain setting is required---venture a decisive act. The proof does not precede but follows; it exists in and with the life that follows Christ.   (Kierkegaard, Provocations)

The New Birth

Do not be amazed that I say to you, "You must be born from above....Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit...we testify to what we have seen, but still you people do not accept our testimony...no one has ever gone into heaven except the one who came from heaven---the Son of Man...whoever believes in Him is not condemned...this is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil...whoever lives by the truth comes into the light (Jn. 3, various).

 

What does it mean to be a "Christian"?  Does it mean being baptized as an infant and attending church every Sunday?  I have seen people who were baptized, who have attended church all their lives, and who do, like Jesus, "grow in knowledge, wisdom, and stature before God and man."  I have seen them grow into disciples, followers of Jesus, those who study His words and "come into the light."  But I have seen others, who though baptized and attended church, and who call themselves "Christian," do not really believe the words of Jesus, if they even know what He says.  They are what Paul calls "carnal" Christians, or Christians according to the flesh.  But it seems that they have never really been "born again," or "born from the Spirit."  They follow the Law, but do not seem to follow Christ.  Everything is measured out according to the effort they put forth to be a "Christian."

 

This pattern does not really fit that of Jesus' ministry on earth.  He pulled out of darkness into His marvelous Light those who did not, could not, measure up to justice and holiness -- the tax-collectors, the sinner, the lame, the blind, the leper, the adulteress.... And once set free, they followed Him, proclaiming to all who would listen, "This is the One who set me free!"  They no longer walked in darkness, but in the Light of the World.  How many of us realize that the "Mary" out of whom Jesus cast 7 demons is the same "Mary" who sat at the feet of Jesus, listening to Him as a disciple, instead of helping her sister in the kitchen?  How many of us know that this is the same "Mary" whose brother was Lazarus?

 

Those who listen to Him are His disciples.  Those who "see the kingdom of God," as He promised Nicodemus, are His disciples.  They are the ones who have been born of the Spirit, who have experienced a "new birth."  My greatest desire is not to teach others about the kingdom of God, but rather to have those I love experience the new birth, the birth from above.  Then, I can simply watch the action of the Holy Spirit in them, as He leads them "from glory to glory" in the discipleship of Jesus. 

 

During the prayers of the faithful recently, one woman across the aisle from me prayed that we would all have purity of heart.  One sentence was enough for me to know that this woman had been born from above.  One who is born of the flesh only does not desire "purity of heart;" in fact, I would say that unless a person had been born again, she would not even know what "purity of heart" means.

 

Those who saw Jesus from the perspective of the flesh were scandalized by Him and looked for ways to kill Him.  Those who saw Him from the perspective of the new birth were drawn to Him, even though they did not always understand the things He said.  If we do not love Jesus Christ, if we do not seek His words, if we do not have a relationship with Him, we are still 'carnal' Christians.  We need to seek the new birth He promised us through the Holy Spirit.

Worried Sick

An illustration in Give Us This Day, a small prayer guide, shows Joseph on his bed at night, staring into space, eyes wide open in fear and anxiety.  Behind him, through the window, an angel of the Lord stretches out his wings and hands over the worried-sick Joseph:  Do not be afraid to take Mary your wife into your home.  For it is through the Holy Spirit that this child has been conceived in her.  She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins."

"When Joseph awoke, he did as the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took his wife into his home."

The Book of Isaiah tells us that God's ways are not our ways, nor are His thoughts our thoughts.  Even Joseph, the just man, the good man, a man of God, needed divine revelation to comprehend the ways of God.  Holy as he was, his mind could not wrap itself around what he knew:  Mary was a virgin, certainly --- or had something happened to her on the way to Elizabeth's house three months previously, something so terrible that she could not speak of it?  He knew Mary, had known her perhaps from childhood.  Their families were close, perhaps even related.  He knew her gentleness, her kindness.  There was no better wife to be found in all of Nazareth. 

But he also knew she was "with child," as she had said.  Glancing at her form confirmed her words; she was just beginning to show.  People would begin to talk -- and soon.  They would surely think Joseph had taken Mary at their engagement, even before he took her into his house.  He would share in her humiliation, in her shame.  She would not be stoned, physically, for engagement was as valid in their culture as marriage itself---but she would not be honored either. 

Nothing made sense, nothing.  There was no good solution to this problem.  Joseph could not even begin to guess the outcome of Mary's pregnancy -- for her, for him, for the child.  He could not know that the child would be born outside of Nazareth, in Bethlehem, far from the wagging tongues of Nazareth.  He could not know that they would have to leave Bethlehem and continue traveling away from Nazareth down into Egypt for several years, as the child grew into a toddler and perhaps a young child. 

He could not know that, even then, God was preparing three astronomer-kings from different parts of
the surrounding countries to embark on a journey, with gifts that would support the young family on their flight into Egypt.  Joseph was worried sick -- but, because he walked with God and sought God, he was given an answer: Do not be afraid.  He was given hope and freedom from "worried-sick."

Surely, on the way to Bethlehem some months later, he had concerns--would they find a place to stay among his relatives in the crowded city?  Would Mary's time of childbirth be safe, among friends, among women who had assisted many times?  Would the child wait for its arrival until they were settled comfortably in Bethlehem?  He could not know then that he would continue to receive guidance as he needed it along the way.  He was to receive yet another dream after the child was born.

Joseph and Mary both had to grow in trust on the way -- the One Who sent His Son into the world had to be preparing the way ahead of them, surely. 

Joseph's worried-sick dilemma as given to us in the Scriptures pose a real problem for those who believe that Jesus was the son of Mary and Joseph, a "good man" sent by God as a prophet and teacher, and prepared for by generations of holy people -- so that He has good DNA, presumably. 

Either Matthew's Gospel is a fabrication from beginning to end -- as is Luke's also -- or Joseph was not "worried sick."  If Joseph and Mary had relations before she met Elizabeth, why would Elizabeth cry out with a loud voice, "How is it that the mother of my Lord has come to me?"  As soon as Elizabeth heard Mary's voice, the child in her womb lept for joy -- the same Holy Spirit that had overshadowed Mary also overshadowed Elizabeth, and John in the womb.   And did Joseph forget three months later, when he again saw Mary, what had happened between them earlier? 

If Matthew and Luke both fabricated the story, they had to have been very well-versed in the Old Testament Scriptures and prophecies -- but Luke was a Gentile, not brought up in the Hebrew synagogue, and Matthew had been a tax collector, not likely welcome in the synagogue at all, and certainly not someone who had studied the Scriptures, though he could have been brought up in them as a child.  The point is, though, that if they were writing fairy tales, we should not take any part of the Gospels as truth.  We cannot say, "this part is good; but that one, not so much." 

If we cannot accept that God can break into human history with plans of His own, if we cannot accept the message of the angels at Christmas, that our God has come to save us, then our own hope is entirely gone, and we ourselves will live "worried-sick" all the days of our lives.