Choose a Direction

 John Kavanaugh asked Mother Teresa to pray for him to have clarity.  She said, "I've never had clarity and certitude.  I only have trust.  I'll pray that you trust."  (from God's Voice Within: The Ignatian Way to Discover God's Will, p.25).

God told Abraham, "Walk before me and be perfect."  Another translation: Walk in my presence and be complete. To walk in the Presence is not to be sure of where we are going, but rather to be sure of Who is going with us -- and that is how we are made complete.  Not because we have confidence in ourselves, but rather because we have confidence in His labor on our behalf in all circumstances.

For several years I was privileged to be a co-leader in a charismatic prayer group that met weekly.  The community became a close-knit one so that we joyfully shared food, celebration, sorrow, struggles, etc. with one another.  It always felt like extended family when we were together.  But the day came when I felt, or heard, (sort of) an inner direction: "Leave the 99 and go after the 1."  I was sure this could not the direction of God for me because I was having too much fun where I was -- not to mention that I could hardly picture myself standing on Canal Street holding up a bible and shouting, "The end is near; repent and believe the gospel!"  How are we supposed to "go after the 1?"  Which one? 

For a couple of months, I managed to ignore the soft still voice that recurred whenever I was quiet and peaceful:  Leave the 99 and go after the 1.  I really was not willing, and I didn't know where to go or what to do if I did leave.  

Finally, I had a vivid dream one night.  The group was gathered in a small rustic cabin in the middle of nowhere.  For miles around, there were no discernible roads or paths -- just open fields surrounding the cabin.  Beyond the fields were deep woods; again, no paths to be seen.  The group was having a kind of party with food and a lot of laughter inside, but I was standing on the  porch looking in.  The heavy wooden door started to close, blocking my view.  "NO!" I cried.  I knew what it meant -- that I was leaving them not to return.  "No!"  At the sound of my voice, the door would stop closing, but then slowly, it would start closing again, until I finally relented and surrendered to whatever it was that God wanted.  When the door finally closed for good, I turned to face the 360 degree open fields, waiting for a clue, a signal, a sign --something to indicate the direction I was supposed to take now.  No sign, no clue, no whisper came.  "What do you want me to do?" I asked.  "Where do you want me to go?"  

"Choose a direction," came the answer.  "But ....but... where do YOU want me to do?" I asked.  "How do I know what You want?"  "Choose a direction," again, the voice was insistent.  Hesitantly, I started walking in a direction, with no clue as to whether that was the right direction or not.  And what was to happen when I reached the edge of the woods?  What then?  

As I drew closer to the edge of the forest, a path slowly opened before me, a clear, sunlit path, with nothing frightening on it at all.  And the path continued to open as I walked forward.  

From this dream, I learned that certainty about God's will is not ours to know.  What we can know, however, is that as we walk in His presence, we will be led.  We can trust His guidance, and we can trust that if we are going in the wrong direction, we will be re-directed.  St. Joseph's best decision when he heard that Mary was pregnant was to divorce her quietly.  But an angel came to him in a dream, assuring him that God was with both of them.  

Our best decisions in life are not based on advance knowledge of where we are going or what we are to do.  Our best decision is trust that we are not alone and that we will not be alone on the way.