Tohu Vavohu

When God began creating the heavens and the earth, the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

In the original Hebrew of the Scriptures, the words translated here as "formless and empty" were tohu va vohu, meaning "wild and waste,"  indicating emptiness.   

The words "Spirit of God" come from the Hebrew ruah, meaning "rushing-spirit."  It carries the meaning of breath, breeze, or strong wind.

 And the word "hovering" carries the image of "flitting; the image is that of an eagle protecting its young in the nest.

All of the images associated with the story of Creation are repeated in the history of Israel, taken from nothingness -- the darkness, wild and waste of paganism in the case of Abraham; the darkness, emptiness of life in the case of Hebrew slaves -- and brought into order, balance, and harmony through a living, loving relationship with the Creator of heaven and earth.  Chapter 32 of Deuteronomy echoes all the themes of Genesis, the first creation:

In a desert land he found him [Israel],

in a barren and howling waste.

He shielded him and cared for him;

he guarded him as the apple of his eye, 

like an eagle that stirs up its nest 

and hovers over its young,

that spreads its wings to catch them

and carries them on its pinions. 

The Lord alone led him;

no foreign god was with him.

  Once again, man is led into Eden, where he has fellowship with the divine Creator of heaven and earth. All the richness of the Promised Land (Israel) echo the Garden of Paradise:

 He made him ride on the heights of the land,/ and fed him with the fruit of the fields.

He nourished him with honey from the rock, /and with oil from the flinty crag,

with curds and milk from herd and flock,/ and with fattened lambs and goats,

with choice rams of Bashan,/and the finest kernels of wheat./

You drank the red blood of the grape. 

All of the story of the Bible from beginning to end leads to the story of US.  According to St. Augustine in his commentary on Genesis, our souls/spirits are formless and empty, wild and waste, until the Word of God speaks life and order into them: Let there be Light! 

The "Light" of Genesis 1, day 1,  is obviously not the sun, as the sun is created on Day 4.  Rather the Light spoken of here is energy, beauty, order, illumination -- the same Light spoken by the Word of God in the Gospel of John, chapter 1:  In Him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it.

And John 8: I am the Light of the world; whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

St. Augustine says that for Jesus, the Word of God, to "live" means to live wisely and happily.  But a creature, although it has a spiritual nature endowed with intellect or reason, can have a formless (wild and waste) life.  For Jesus, living is not the same as possessing a life of wisdom and happiness. For when man is turned away from changeless Wisdom, his life is full of folly and wretchedness, and so it is in an unformed state (tohu va vohu).  Its formation consists in its turning to the changeless light of Wisdom, the Word of God.  The Word -- Light! Be! ---is the source of whatever being and life the creature has, and to the Word it must turn in order to live wisely and happily.

The Gospel of John sums up all the lessons of creation and history in one Person -- the Word, the Light, the Alpha and the Omega.  If we read nothing else but that Gospel, we have all the Wisdom we need to turn to the Rushing Spirit of God, hovering over our chaos.  We, too, can become a new creation by allowing the Word of God to enter our tohu va vohu, our emptiness!

What Can I Do?

 Recently I read a book called Sacred Encounters with Mary, an account of visitations people have had with the Mother of Jesus.  Most of these encounters are very simple, and yet profound in their own way.  The following one impressed me:

As I was going into meditation one day, I asked of [Mary], "How can I help to prepare the way for the the return of Christ?"  A little while later, she appeared to me in a vision and I saw her roll up her sleeves....As she rolled up her sleeves, she took me by the hand and led me to a sink where we proceeded to wash dishes together.  In that moment, we were just two women doing what needed to be done.  Interestingly, I have an expression that I have used before and since this encounter: "Talking doesn't do it, reading doesn't do it it; living is what does it."  And I always say that if you can't wash dishes with me, you haven't got it.

 Matthew Kelly, a renowned speaker on the Catholic circuit, always says, "Just do the next right thing!"  We often wonder what we can do to help, especially in view of world-wide hunger and poverty, violence, human trafficking, and just plain ignorance.  I think we have to commit our lives to God and trust that He is able to use our talents in His own way.  We want to be useful; we want our lives to count for something, but we are helpless to know what to do.  

St. Therese lived perhaps one of the most "useless" lives of all, behind the cloister walls, and died at the age of 24.  And yet today she is known world-wide as the patroness of missions.  Her way of life was unbounded confidence in God, trusting Him to accomplish in her all that He desired.

I think we can all wash dishes -- or do whatever is needed at the moment to clean up the world we live in.  It may not seem like much, but as Mother Teresa often pointed out, a pencil in the hand of God can change people's lives.

Gratitude!

 Last week, I had a follow-up visit with the doctor who performed the bronchoscopy, and what she told me then made my post-anesthesia vision even more meaningful.  All the tests for cancer were negative, thank God, although it seems that what they have been seeing in my lung since 2016 is a fungus caused by breathing in mold, usually from decaying plant matter.  It makes sense, as I have been gardening for many years, using leaf mold as mulch, cleaning out gutters and breathing in mold, etc.  

However, the reason I was under anesthesia so long was that the doctor struck a blood vessel in the lung as she removed tissue for diagnosis.  Although she was using a scan to guide the procedure, it seems that blood vessels do not show up on the scan.  As blood spurted all over the room, the doctor's colleague suggested that she not biopsy me another time, and she was not at all sure she could stop the bleeding.  

I asked how she did stop the bleeding, and she simply stated: I prayed.

After hearing her answer, my vision of the 23rd Psalm covering me as a blanket became even more stunning; I had not realized how close I had been to dying.  How can I thank the Lord for what He has done for me?  

Speak Your Word...

 Speak Your Word into my heart, O Spirit of God!

This is the second time it has happened.  Two years ago, I had a bronchoscopy under anesthesia.  As I awoke, but before I was alert enough to even have a thought, I saw and heard the 23rd Psalm as though I were watching a video.  The words appeared before me in similar fashion to the opening of the original Star Wars movie -- rolling upward on a screen, as I heard them spoken to me.  I was astonished, knowing that I had no capacity at the moment to even imagine such a thing.  In fact, a moment later, the nurse, seeing my eyes open, came over to ask me a question.  Still under the effects of anesthesia, I could not answer at the moment.  So I knew that what I was seeing and hearing could not be coming from my imagination.  It had to be a gift from the Holy Spirit, speaking to me at a time of great weakness.  

Yesterday, I had another bronchoscopy, but this time was under anesthesia for two hours, as the doctor performed five procedures in an attempt to finally diagnose the lung cancer she can see on the CT scan.  Coming out of the anesthesia was much more difficult this time; I felt like a butterfly pinned to a table, unable to move or speak.  And yet, as I opened my eyes, I once again saw and heard Psalm 23: The Lord is my shepherd....   This time, the words were not dramatic, but visually and auditorially very soft.  It felt as if a light blanket were being gently laid over my body.  And the entire Psalm was present to me, not just the opening words.

Actually, I had forgotten all about the first incident going into this surgery.  And so the second event was as unexpected as the first.  I could neither think nor speak, but just received the words as comfort, with a few tears of thanksgiving.  I knew once again that I could not be manufacturing this experience, as my brain was not yet engaged.  It had to be a gift from the Holy Spirit at a moment of extreme weakness. 

What this experience has done for me is to make me realize that God does not leave us alone in times of stress or weakness.  He is even more present to us in love and mercy and tenderness.  And it gives me great hope that I will not face death alone, but that His Word will be with me to comfort, guide, and lead me to the next life. 

The Power of the Sacrament

 For the very first time since I knew I had lung cancer in 2010, I felt fear.  For 13 years, I have known only the peace and joy of knowing that the Lord is my Shepherd:  Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for Thou are with me.  Thy rod and thy staff bring me comfort.

And yet, yesterday morning, for some reason, fear overwhelmed me.  I am scheduled next week for yet another bronchoscopy. A tumor has been appearing on the left lung since 2016, but no biopsy or procedure has been able to capture it for diagnosis and treatment.  This time, my doctor thinks she can get a piece of it with a new instrument, and if she does, then radiation is the next step.  

I went into Mass thinking that I would not ask to be anointed for this procedure, as I have been anointed so many times previously.  I figured the power of the sacrament still held -- that it didn't "wear off," so to speak.  But then, for some reason, during Mass, I was encompassed by fear.  Not fear of dying, but fear of radiation and its side effects.  I knew myself to be weak, and I did not want to face pain and suffering.  In tears, I did request an anointing after Mass.

As the priest laid his hands upon my head, the most profound peace once again entered my soul and mind.  I knew I had nothing to fear, that the same God who had brought me through before would be with me once again.  Peace --- and freedom from worry and fear ---- took over.

Afterwards, I wondered why the sudden experience of fear.  And I wondered if I was supposed to once again experience the power of the sacrament (the anointing of the sick).  That I might know and testify to the working of the sacraments on our behalf.  If this laying on of hands and anointing with oil is so powerful, how much more the Eucharist, when God Himself joins His body and soul, heart and mind to ours!

No Condemnation

 Now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus...(Rom.8:1)

We were made to be inhabited... not to be alone:  The one thing that was "Not Good" at the dawn of creation was that man was alone.  There is no greater joy in this life than knowing that we are not alone --- that we are one with another in mind, heart, and spirit.  Different, yes; opposite, no.  We yearn to be with those who love us, accept us, find joy in our presence as we do in theirs.  

What separates us is judgment, criticism, condemnation, non-acceptance of who we are, what we think, what we do.  And then fear overtakes us -- fear of more judgment, of more criticism, of more rejection.  And we back away, become alone again, knowing that we can trust only ourselves, not another.  The ancient name for the Devil was lo diabolo, meaning to "throw apart," to separate.  What separates us from one another is literally diabolic.

God came in the flesh seeking union with us, made in His image and likeness:  The Son of Man came not to condemn, but to seek and to save what was lost.  Sin separates us from God so that we are no longer one spirit, one mind, one heart with Him.  And His overflowing love can no longer flow through us to those around us.  The urge to criticize, to look down on, to condemn and to separate seems to be natural part of our makeup -- but it is not the "image and likeness" of God for which we were destined.  

Many "solutions" have arisen from mankind:  mindfulness, meditation, Buddhism, The Power of Positive Thinking.....  But what is bred into our genetic makeup over centuries is not easily dislodged.  Paul says in Romans 7 that if he does anyway what he has determined not to do, there is a power within him stronger than he is:  Unhappy man that I am!  Who will save me from this body of death?

But thanks be to God!  It has already been done --- there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.  The law of the Spirit of life has set you free from the spirit of death!

God desires to be One with us in heart, mind, and spirit.  And so "there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  In the sacrament of the Eucharist, He becomes one with us without rejection.  Little by little, His Spirit in us causes us to throw away useless ideas and behaviors, gradually transforming us into His very likeness.  His death was our death to the things that separate us from the love of God and of one another.  Even our utmost rejection of His Spirit was overcome in the Resurrection.  We are made new creatures, created once again according to the Divine Image!

An Awesome Power

 Whenever you go into a house, first say, "Peace to this house." 
If a man of peace is there, your peace will rest on him; if not, it will return to you.

Jesus is called "The Prince of Peace."  The Jews do not recognize Him as Messiah because He has not brought universal peace, according to Isaiah 9:7.  However, at the Last Supper, He said to His disciples, "My peace I give to you; I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."  That peace is recognizable; it belongs to those who belong to Him.  It is the Pearl of Great Price for which a person will give all that he has.

The Peace which Isaiah prophesied of the Messiah belongs to his followers -- and it is spread from one to another.  It is possible to pass on that peace to others -- an awesome power, as only God can give peace.  

Last night, we celebrated Holy Thursday-- the Last Supper and the institution of the Eucharist.  After the ceremony, a few people (about 30) gathered in a small room where the Blessed Sacrament -- the Presence of Jesus -- would be temporarily kept.  Our tradition is that the Eucharist is removed from the church on Holy Thursday, as Jesus departed from the Upper Room for the Garden of Olives.  We are invited to spend some time with Him in prayer that night.

The Peace that descended on all present last night was palpable.  It could be felt --- even "heard," in a way.  At first, I thought it was just my own peace that was so profound it felt what heaven must be like.  Gradually, however, I began to realize how absolutely still the room was.  Never have I encountered such a presence of silence; in a sense, it was "heavy" in that it permeated every person with profound stillness. No one coughed, reached for a handkerchief, looked around, or even read from a book.  There were books held on laps, but everyone seemed totally absorbed in profound silence and peace.  

This morning, I realized what Jesus meant when He said, "My peace I give to you."  It is possible for us to pass on that peace to others -- if they are people of peace themselves.  It is a palpable gift.  If we cannot pass on peace, then it returns to us.  It seems to me that this peace could disarm nations -- and then that universal peace promised by Isaiah would proclaim Jesus as Lord and Messiah!