I have a wonderful book called Paying Attention to God: Discernment in Prayer, by William Barry, S.J. Now I love the title of this book because it seems to me that paying attention to God is the one thing that most of us do not do. We may be engaged in prayer, in ministry, in works of mercy, etc. --- but it seems to me that somehow we are not really convinced that God is actively engaged in our lives. There's a huge gap between heaven and earth, and God is in heaven; we are on earth.
St. Paul says, In him we live and move and have our very being (acts). God is not remote to us; He is actively engaged in every part of us: our minds, our hearts, our wills (souls). ANd He is not static: He is not a noun but a verb: I AM. He is dunomis in Greek -- energy (dynamite). There is no moment in which He is not acting in us and with us and through us.
So it would probably be beneficial for us to start paying attention to what He is doing in our lives. St. Ignatius taught his followers to practice the Examen, that is, at the end of each day to look back at the God moments, the places where God was acting during the day. It may take a few days to get the hang of it, but once we start practicing, we may find ourselves smiling at the memory of those moments -- and thanking Him for being there. As we continue the practice, we begin to notice the moments when they occur instead of waiting til the end of the day -- The fullness of joy is to see God in everything. (Not sure which saint said that!)
I guarantee that once we start paying attention to what God is doing in our lives, we will begin to know that we are loved and cared for. What we do is important, but what God is doing on a daily basis --- that's the whole story! Most of our attention is on what we are doing --- and I guarantee also that focusing on that will bring us not joy but chagrin, if not frustration. For which of us does not struggle and stumble through life?
One small example of God at work in my mind: I have been taking Melatonin at night ever since I started chemo because someone told me that Melatonin helps chemo work better. A few nights ago, as I picked up the bottle, I thought to myself, "I think I'll skip it tonight and see whether it affects my sleep or not." I don't know why that thought went through my mind; it's the very first time I skipped the supplement on purpose.
About an hour after I had gone to sleep, the fire alarm went off in our house. Both of us were startled out of sleep and pretty disoriented and groggy, trying to figure out what to do. My husband had taken a sleep aid; I had not. One of us had to get on a ladder in the middle of the night. As I climbed up, I thought to myself, "Thank God I did not take a melatonin tonight; I need all the clarity I can get right now!" Thinking about it the next morning, I came to the conclusion that it was the Holy Spirit acting in me that night when I decided to forego taking the supplement. I had to smile and thank Him for "little things" that make such a difference in my life!
We can dismiss such accounts as coincidence, or we can at least start to wonder --- and pay attention -- to the fact that God might be closer to us than we thought.
