To the Rescue -- Part 2

 When the enemy comes in like a flood,
The Spirit of the Lord will put him to flight.

I left off the story Friday morning, as I was facing the prospect of starting chemo.  CVS had left a message on my phone which I did not understand, as CVS is not my pharmacy.  I had understood that the chemo drug would be delivered to my house, but the message indicated that I should request it "from any pharmacy."  In my confusion, I imagined that I would have to ask for it at Walgreen's, and I woke up that morning faced with the prospect of having to ask the pharmacist about the phone call.  The idea of talking to the pharmacist about taking chemo just overwhelmed me.

I drove to a friend's house to talk to her first, hoping that would calm me before going to Walgreen's.  But after pulling into her driveway, I thought, "This is not fair; she is working (remotely)."  So I drove on.

When I got to Walgreen's, I sat in the parking lot crying.  I was just unable to go in there and talk to the pharmacist about taking chemo.  "O God," I said, "if I just had someone to talk to!"  

Suddenly, there was a knock at my window.  When I rolled it down, there stood a sweet young man (about 30+ years old. )   "Mam," he said, "I cannot go in there and leave you sitting here like this.  If you want to talk, I'm here to listen."  

Oh my God!  (spoken with all reverence)  He heard my prayer and sent me an angel, disguised as an off-shore oil worker!  This young man listened to my story wi"th compassion and offered to go into Walgreen's with me and talk to the pharmacist, something I was not yet ready to do.  Finally, he said, "Don't put yourself through this; go to the park. look at the birds and the trees.  When you feel calm, call your doctor and ask what you should do."  Why hadn't I thought of that?  

I took his advice, went to the beach, watched the clouds and the waves, and when I was ready, called my doctor.  Found out that the phone call was something of a CVS scheme, if not a scam.  I did not need to do anything at all; the medicine would be delivered to my door.

For years, I wore a wrist bracelet that said, "God is our refuge and our strength, an ever-present help in distress."  Sometimes he shows up in the guise of an offshore oil-field worker!

To the Rescue!

 Go forth without fear, 
for He who created you has made you holy,
has always protected you, 
and loves you as a mother.  (Clare of Assisi)

When the enemy comes in like a flood, 

the Spirit of the Lord will put him to flight (Is. 59:19)

(Amplified Bible translation) 

Recently I found out that the lung cancer I had in 2010 has returned.  Since I am now 83, and since I have had 15 wonderful years following that bout with cancer, I decided that I would prefer to have two good years remaining to me (the cancer is slow-growing) without chemotherapy.  I could not see the option of maybe 2 years of debilitating chemo, at which time I would be 85.  Since I have osteoporosis and macular degeneration, any remaining years beyond chemo does not sound promising.  The best I could hope for might be maybe 3 more years, and the quality of those years seems doubtful.

During my first battle with cancer, the Lord took over the fight; a great peace descended on me even before I heard the diagnosis.  As I drove to the doctor's office for the results of a CT scan, I listened to Charles Stanley's talk on the radio:  How to Handle a Crisis.  The text of his sermon was Psalm 59:2 --- I will hide under the shadow of His wings until the disaster has passed me by.  The verse sustained me throughout all the episodes of surgery and recovery --- but actually, the peace had been given to me as a gift weeks before, and it never left me.  It was truely a gift from the Holy Spirit.

Once again, when I heard the latest diagnosis, I had no fear or anxiety.  I felt that God had been preparing me for the past two years for death, and I felt ready for it.  With my first visit to the oncologist, I asked her to help me navigate my death as gracefully as possible without chemotherapy.  Because of my age, she agreed with me and assured me she would do that.

Proverbs 16:9, however, sheds a different light on my determination:  A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.  During the second visit to the oncologist, following a PET scan, the doctor was euphoric.  It seems that I have a rare genetic mutation in the cancer that only 15% of lung cancer patients have. "It's like finding a needle in a haystack," the doctor said excitedly.  The reason for her excitement is that there is a drug that targets that mutation, and we know that the drug destroys the tumor.  Instead of a long period of chemo by infusion, I would be able to take a pill at  home for 3 months, at the end of which the tumor could be destroyed.  I began to think that God had a better plan than I had.

However, the drug has serious side-effects which give me pause:  it attacks the liver, causes pancreatitus, bone pain, significant weight gain, swelling of the legs and feet, photosensitivity (I would not be able to work in my garden) and sensitivity to caffeine.  That's just the beginning!  I began to wonder if it's worth it, even for only 3 months.

As my doubts and fears began to grow, I spent time in adoration seeking the Lord's answer.  Before leaving last week, the last thing I wrote in my notebook was a famous quote from Julian of Norwich, given to her by Jesus in a mystical revelation:  You shall see for yourself that all things will be well, and all manner of things shall be well.

The next morning, realizing that I needed to talk to the pharmacist about this drug, I was hit with a wave of panic and fear.  Suddenly, after weeks of peaceful acceptance, I could not stop crying.  Desperate for a sense of calm, I opened one of my books at random and read the quote from Jullian of Norwich that I had written the day before.  I wanted to accept and believe, but, like Peter, I was still overwhelmed by the danger and the threat of chemo.  Finally, I decided that I needed to begin recording my blood pressure, as directed by my doctor, and I searched for a small notebook in which to record the numbers. Rummaging through my office, I came across a tiny notebook I last used in 2017.  The last entry in that notebook was --- you can guess it --- the quote from Julian of Norwich!  Slowly but surely I was beginning to believe that God was trying to tell me something (see the second quotation at the beginning of this entry).

Does God speak to us?  Maybe we are not listening or recording His voice.  

This is not the end of the story, but because of its length, I will continue in the next entry. 

The Power of the Resurrection

 So, then, what difference has the Resurrection made to us?  

Although the Gospels were written in Greek, the original Christian community preserved a few words in Jesus' original Aramaic untranslated.  Among those few treasures are His words addressed to His Father in His prayer at the Last Supper (John 17).  These words were so unusual, so new, to the Apostles that they remembered them word for word; in them, we can still hear Jesus, as it were, speaking in His own voice.

In the Old Testament, it would have been impossible for the Jew to address God as "Papa," a term of such intimacy that it would have been unseemly.  What gripped the first Christians and caused them to preserve the word as it originally sounded was that it expressed a new form of imtimacy with God belonging only to the Son.  The Jews would not even dare to pronounce the Holy Name of God, instead substituting the letters for "Lord" in their Scripture. 

All of John's Gospel,  from the beginning, shows Jesus drawing His friends into the same intimacy with God that belonged to the Son:  to all those who received Him, He gave the power to become sons/children of God -- John 1).

Not a distant, far-off God, but a Father, a Father who watches daily for the return of the prodigal and Who discards his own dignity to run down the road to embrace the return of His son.  A God who leaves heaven to go in pursuit of the lame, the blind, the leper, the sinner, the abandoned.  A God in search of Man.

After His resurrection, Jesus tells Mary Magdalene in garden, "Do not cling to Me, for I have not yet returned to the Father.  Go and tell my brothers, "I  am ascending to My Father and to your Father, to my God and to your God ."

We have to think that the very first words of someone returning from death might be the most important thing on His mind -- Go and tell my brothers......no longer strangers, but friends.... no longer distant, but family....Go and tell my brothers that I ascend to Our Father.

In Baptism, we are drawn by the Resurrected Jesus into the inner life of Christ in His relationship to His Father.  We are drawn into the very dynamics of the inner life of God, united with Christ to the Father in the love/union of the Holy Spirit.  We are no longer "following Jesus" or "imitating" Him; we are IN HIM AND HE IN US.  

We are baptized "in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit."  Baptism into the Resurrected Christ means that we are incorporated into God's own life.  His life is our life!  Alleluia!  And the best part is that this incorporation begins now -- we need not die and go to heaven to begin living Life itself!

On the Ascension

 One of the most wonderful things about the Catholic faith is its structure:  the structure of the Mass itself, plus the structure of the liturgical seasons and feasts.  C. S. Lewis once said that in a worship service, if you do not know ahead of time what is going to happen or what is being prayed, then you are forced to listen to see if you agree with what is being said, so that you can say "Amen."

However, if you know ahead of time what is being said or prayed, then it leaves you free to enter into your own heart in response to the liturgical celebration. As you already know you can say "Amen" to the prayer, you then begin to link your own thoughts and the events of your own life to it.

Season after season, year after year, the Church follows a predictable cycle of celebrations and events from the life of Jesus:  Advent, Christmas, Ordinary Time, Lent, Easter, Pentecost, Living in the Spirit..... 

And Sunday after Sunday, we know the Mass will bring us to the foot of the cross where Jesus surrenders His entire life and being to the Father for the salvation of the world.  We know the prayers; we know the cycle of the Mass: 

the Penetential Rite -- acknowledging sin and asking for mercy; 

the Liturgy of the Word -- the readings, the homily, the Creed (I believe) and Intercessory Prayer.  

And then the Liturgy of the Eucharist ---Gathering the gifts to be offered, preparing the altar, prayer, the Sanctus (recognizing the holiness of the Lord among us), the Consecration, and the Mystery of FAith. 

Finally, the Communion Rite -- The Lord's Prayer*, the Sign of Peace*, the Agnus Dei*, and receiving the Body of Christ.  * (All the elements which must be acknowledged before approaching the altar).

While teenagers and indifferent Catholics find the repetition boring, as C.S. Lewis points out, the predictability allows us an amazing personal response to the events taking place, with the unique ability to link the events of the Mass to our own inner and personal lives, as well as to the service we extend to the world around us.

The same is true of the liturgical seasons.  As we enter into each celebration, we are invited to respond from our own perspective to the event.  And so the Church brings us yearly to the entire Word of God, both in the Scriptures and in the Life of Christ.  (By the end of each 3-year cycle, we will have covered the entire Bible in the liturgy of the Word -- and then we begin again.)

Which bring us to today's celebration of the Ascension of our Lord.  Left to a random selection of services and prayers, this is a feast we might never approach on our own.  Today, however, we ponder what ever meaning the Ascension of the Lord might have to our own lives.  Sometimes a homily might give us an Aha moment; other times, the Holy Spirit Himself, according to the divine promise, will enlighten our minds with a personal revelation.  As Bishop Barron once wrote:

Since Jesus is the Son, He is God, and it is impossible for us to adequately interpret him through our own powers of perception. We need a divine pedagogue through whom to understand what he tells us about the Father. This is the advocate we call the Holy Spirit.

So, here, after a long introduction, is one of my joyous responses to the Feast of the Ascension:  Again, Bishop Barron:  The one thing we must not do is to imagine that Jesus has gone up, up, and away from the earth, leaving us to direct our lives the best we can, while He watches from a remote distance.  Rather, He has gone into a different dimension that trascends our universe, but in a sense,  is closer to us than the world around us.  Living now in a spiritual dimension, He can direct this world through those who are "in" Him in the Spirit.  He is a God ever closer to us in all the events of our life now.  (Note: not a direct quote, but a putting together of ideas Barron has expressed on the topic)

Who do we pray to on a regular basis -- a remote God in the heavens above, who can barely hear our squeaky prayer?   Or a God ever closer to us than our own thoughts and breaths? A God who enters into our world to save us at every moment?  A God who moans with us in our sorrow and grief and who offers us a way out of our troubles?  A God who says to us, "I am with you, even to the end of the world"?

Viva la Ascension!

The Pirate Prayer

 I had the opportunity yesterday to practice and experience what is laughingly called "The Pirate Prayer" because the initials of the four steps are AARRR.  We were given a passage of Scripture to ponder/ pray about, then the instructions, and then we went into the chapel to try it out.  The speaker was trying to show us that God does speak to us if we know how to listen and receive His words.  

I welcome you to try it out for yourself.  The passage we used was the Parable of the Sower, but you can try any passage of Scripture.  Read the passage slowly enough to absorb it.  Then try the following steps:

1.  ACKNOWLEDGE GOD.  Who is the God Who is listening to your prayer?  Who is He to you?  Who/ where has He been in your life.  In her desperation in the desert, Hagar, the Egyptian slave girl, called God:  You are the God of seeing (or "You are the God who sees me!")  At another time, she called Him "The God of hearing" (or "You are the ONe who hears me.")  

    As I started this exercise yesterday, I acknowledged God as "The ever-present God, The One Who is always present to me, the One who always listens to me."  That acknowledgement took me to a place of worship and lasted longer than I had anticipated.  I actually felt that I was in His presence for a few moments and had no desire to move on to the next step.  I just wanted to remain there.

2.  ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT IS IN YOUR HEART AS YOU READ THE SCRIPTURE. Become aware of your reactions and ask, "Why am I feeling this way?"  "What is behind my reaction?"  

    As I started reading the parable yesterday, I got just a little way into it before I found myself reacting to the line that said, Other seed fell on rocky ground, where it had not much soil, and immediately it sprang up, since it had no depth of soil, and when the sun rose it was scorched, and since it had no root, it withered away.

At that point, I began to realize the depth of soil God had given me from the beginning:  a love of good books of all kinds, a Catholic school education, believing parents, nightly rosary with the family, etc.  And I began to grieve over those whose rearing had provided little or no "soil"/ soul for the seed -- the word of God.  I know God's word can penetrate behind closed doors, but I still mourn those whose childhood has been barren of any spiritual preparation.

3.  Relate what you are feeling back to God.  In my case, it was both gratitude and grief that I began to relate back to God about what I was feeling.  

4.   Receive what God says back to you, and Respond.  Here, what God "says" may not be in words at all, but in your thoughts and feelings.  What do you desire to do now?  Your desires are probably the action of the Holy Spirit in you and maybe should be obeyed.  And so, for the first time, I began to pray for those who have no spiritual background in their lives, praying that the Lord would send "laborers into the vineyard....to seek and save what is lost."

This is but one way of many to approach the Word of God in our lives.  But it is one way to ensure that the seed -- the Word of God -- will take root in our lives and bear fruit!

Why the Transfiguration?

 Today, the Gospel reading that of the Transfiguration of Jesus.  One of the things that strikes me about the Transfiguration is that Jesus wants us to know Him -- to really know Who He is.  Previously, he had asked the disciples, "Who do men say that I am?"  So we get the general view, from the outside, so to speak, of how people saw Jesus.  I think not much has changed since then.  People that I know see Jesus as a kind of exceptional man: a prophet, a great teacher, a super-spiritual human being.  

"But you," said Jesus, "who do you say that I am?"  And Peter suddenly knew who Jesus really was -- the Son of God.  Jesus was pleased at the revelation given to Peter, but it still wasn't enough.  Every one of us wants to be known, for one person, at least, to know who we really are.  We are made to be inhabited by at least one other person.  Genesis tells us that the man and his wife were "naked and unashamed."  It feels wonderful to be truly ourselves, without shame, with one other person.  No need for fig leaves, masks, or pretense in any area of our lives.

Peter knew that Jesus was the Son of God, but he had still not seen Jesus in His Glory, the radiance of a human being totally united with the Divine Presence.  Jesus revealed the totality of His Being to His friends.  They needed this vision to offset the one to come -- that of the Son of God nailed to a cross.  

In so much of our lives, the vision of God's Presence is veiled to us.  We cannot see; it is hard to believe that God is truly present to us.  But if we are willing to go up the mountain of prayer on a regular basis, we may catch a glimpse of the Presence.  God wants us to know Who He Is.  He revealed Himself in Scripture and in the Face of Jesus Christ.  But there is more:  sometimes in prayer, He will show Himself to His friends, and our reaction will be like Peter's:  "Lord, it is good for us to be here!"

The Joy of Being Found

 It was one of those beautiful spring days in New Orleans, with the earth coming alive after a long winter. Friday afternoon, and I wanted to be outside, specifically in Audubon Park, just down the street, enjoying the newborn baby ducks and geese, the lure of greenery, and the soft breezes of the day.  I could hear birds chirping and a fountain gurgling outside of the floor-to-ceiling windows opened to the beautiful grounds of St. Mary's Dominican College on St. Charles Avenue.

Instead, I was trapped in a second-floor biology laboratory, dissecting a frog.  There was no one else around, the rest of the academic world apparantly having yielded to the allure of spring and the end of the week.    I knew that if I pushed aside the assignment until the following week, I would regret it later, so I reluctantly began tracing and sketching the execretory system of the frog.

Suddenly, it seemed as if a light had begun to illumine my mind, as I saw wisdom, beauty, and design in the execretory system, as food was digested, poisons secreted out, nourishment for the body extracted, and waste eliminated.  Further, in terms of the human system, all of these operations continued without awareness or control on our part, but at the end, we had control of the result.  Unlike the frog or a bird, we could wait until we found a suitable place for disposal.  

Overwhelmed with the beauty of design, I felt desire to profoundly worship God the Creator.  I wanted to kneel right there in the laboratory and thank God for His Wisdom in creation. But fear of being discovered (seemingly in worship of a frog) prevented me from kneeling down right then and there.

[Years later, I said to the Lord: "The execretory system ---  really?"  And His answer to me was, "Well, somone has to praise Me for this!"]

Now most anyone with a similar experience would claim to have "found God."  Thinking back on this event so many years later, however, I am more inclined to identify the experience as one where God found me!

In his wonderful book called Introduction to Christianity, Pope Benedict XVI writes that one of the basic roots from which man's encounter with God arises proceeds from the joy of security:

The very fulfillment of love, of finding one another, can cause man to experience the gift of what he could neither call up nor create and make him realize that in it he receives more than either of the two could contribute.  The brightness and joy of finding one another can point to the proximity of absolute joy and of the simple fact of being found that stands behind every human encounter.

All this is just intended to give some idea of how human existence can be the point of departure for the experience of the absolute, which from this angle is seen as "God the Son," as the Savior, or, more simply, as a God related to existence (p. 106-107).

Thinking back on the history of God's interaction with mankind, I can see the experience of Abraham, of Moses, of the Israelite people ---- even of Adam in the garden after he sinned --- as an experience of being found by God. God said to Adam:  Where are you?  and Adam's response was, "I was hiding because I had sinned."  But God found him anyway.  We are all hiding in paganism, in personal and in world affairs, in our own interests --- But sooner or later, in the midst of our lives, God finds us!

And just like the joy of being found by another being who loves us and delights in his find of us, we begin to experience the joy of security when we are found by God.  He knows me,  He knows where I am, and He came looking for me!  He found me! I am loved, and because I am loved, He opens to me the treasures of His own beauty and wisdom.

Once, when my youngest child "ran away from home" (she was about 4 or 5), she later told me, "I just wanted someone to come after me!"  I regret that I did not do that, but waited for her to come back on her own.  We all need to know that Someone wants to find us, to delight in us, to share His life with us!