Peter's Denial

 "And he went out and wept bitterly" (Matt. 26).  

I am haunted by my latest sin. It calls to mind all my other betrayals.  And now I know what Peter's denial has to do with me and with the rest of mankind!

All over Europe, wherever I go, there are the destitute.  As I stroll through cities as a casual tourist, I almost stumble over their bodies, and I hear their cries.  One man with Parkinson's disease lay on the street trembling violently, and I passed him by -- as I did with so many others.  

I carry very little cash with me when I travel, as I have learned to use my card for almost everything.  As I travel with my family, whenever any of us have a few coins, we leave them for tips after eating.  So as much as I would want to drop coins into cups, I rarely have any on me when I meet a beggar. At one point in my latest trip, I thought to myself that, were I traveling alone, I would deliberately carry a bag full of coins and distribute them freely.

Once or twice, it happened that I did have a few coins and dropped them into a beggar's cup.  And one time, while the whole family was gathered for lunch at an outdoor table, I sent my brother-in-law after a beggar with some cash.  But the general family agreement was not to respond to those who ask, simply because there are so many of them. 

But there is one denial I cannot forget.  It was a rainy morning and a little chilly.  The whole family was standing outside our hotel waiting for a taxi.  It happened that for a change, I did have a few coins in my pocket when a beggar approached, asking for help.  He gestured to the coffee shop across the street, meaning that he would love a cup of coffee and breakfast. As every member of my family refused him, I thought to myself that, were I alone, I would give him all the coins I had.  But since everyone else said no, I did the same.

And I have been haunted ever since.  I know now Peter's shame in denying Christ.  All the other times I refused to give, I honestly had nothing to give.  This time, it would have been so easy to give.  I had three coins in my pocket amounting to about three Euros, plus change.  I refused him out of human respect.  I did not want my family to think I was a soft touch.  I followed the crowd.  What a stupid reason to refuse a hungry beggar!  I am haunted by Jesus' words in Matthew 25: Whatever you did to the least of my brethren, you did to me.

And he went out and wept bitterly!