How Grateful I Am!

I have a friend who cannot understand how it is that Abraham is the father of three world religions.  In her words, "Abraham was a shit."  He married his sister; he sold his wife/sister into bondage to Pharoah; and he was willing to sacrifice his only son. When we look at Abraham this way, we just have to laugh; the truth is that we could go through the entire bible and look at every major player in the same way, excepting Mary and Jesus, of course.  I cannot think of one person, except Job, whose life is delineated in any detail who we would not describe as a "shit," in my friend's words.  Some, such as Job, Noah, Josiah, and Joseph, were described as "just men," but if we had more information and could look more deeply, we might find major flaws -- as indeed we do with Noah after the flood.

Fast forward to the 12 apostles, the "chosen."  "Have I not chosen all of you, and yet one of you is a devil!" said Jesus.  Only one was a 'devil," and yet all were sinners.  If we look at Peter, we might have described him as a "shit" too.  And yet, how loveable a shit!  How grateful I am for St. Peter -- yes, today, he is referred to as "Saint Peter."  And if we could meet him today, how humble he would be to be called "Saint," for he knows well his sin and his betrayal of the Son of God who loved him beyond all measure.

In Israel, there is a church/shrine with a rooster on top -- the church of the "cock crows," built over the courtyard of Peter's denial.  There you can find the original steps where Jesus walked after leaving the spot where he was questioned by Caiaphas, the high priest that year.  Within the walls of that shrine, there is a mural depicting Peter's sorrow -- even anguish after his denial.  Peter has fled to the wilderness; there is a cave in the background, where he can be alone in his grief.  And he is tormented by his denial of the One he loves so wildly.  He cannot forgive his weakness and cowardice, and he cannot forget the look on the Jesus' face as He gazed on Peter at that moment.

At the last supper, Jesus had said to Peter: Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat.  But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail.  And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.  When we read this statement closely, it reveals more than it seems to at first.  For one thing, the phrase "sift you" is in the plural form.  In the south, Jesus would have said, "sift y'all."  Wow!  Thinking about that over the ages of the church is very significant.  It explains a lot, from the Protestant Reformation to the clerical abuse of the 20th-21st century, along with every age of the church--every heresy, every disagreement over doctrine and practice, every split along the way. Satan has asked to sift the church, the believers, the ones for whom Jesus prayed the night before his death would "be one, even as the Father and I are one."  The very prayer closest to the heart of Jesus is the place where Satan has directed his attack.

But I have prayed for you, Simon, …... in the singular. "I have prayed for the one who, when he has turned back, will strengthen his brothers."  It was necessary that Peter experience his own weakness and sin and agonize over it in deepest grief if he was to be fully equipped to "strengthen his brothers."  The reason that Peter is the head of the church is that he was the chiefest of sinners -- of all the disciples, he was the one who denied Jesus, his friend and savior.  He was one of the three closest to Jesus, one that had witnessed the transfiguration and the one who had received the revelation that Jesus was the Christ, the Son of the living God.  He was supposed to be the strongest and now had proved himself to be the weakest.  He could not stand at the foot of the cross, as did John and Mary; he was hidden in the cave crying over his sin and betrayal of Love.  In other words, he was a first class "shit."

How grateful I am for Peter!  When I know myself to be a first-class "shit," I remember the mural of Peter in grief and agony over his sin.  In fact, I bought a copy of the mural and it sits beside my desk.  In the years to come, Peter, as head of the church, would have to deal with many who betrayed their original fervor of faith in the face of Roman persecution and threat of torture.  In fact, historically, there would be a great controversy over those, even bishops, who abandoned their faith and betrayed their fellow Christians in fear of torture and death.  In the age of Augustine (who died in 410), the Donatists were maintaining that those who betrayed the faith could not be re-admitted to the church because they were "shits."  Those who had been consecrated by such bishops were not really consecrated and could not be recognized as legitimate, in the view of the Donatists.

But Peter, in the person of the popes who followed him as head of the church, did not forget his own fear and cowardice in time of persecution.  Nor did he forget Jesus' total forgiveness and re-admission into His own company and the company of the apostles:  "Peter, do you love Me?  Feed my sheep."  Three times, Jesus repeated and re-established Peter's authority and mission -- Feed my sheep.

With what charity and love did Peter take up his role as head of the church!  With what humility, never forgetting his own grief, was he able to forgive those who acted the way he had in the face of suffering!  He was equipped for ministry by his own failure and the strengthening of Jesus Christ.  Never again would he rely on his own strength!  He was not called to be a great "leader," the way the Greeks and the Romans saw their leaders -- a great intellect or a great soldier.  He was called to love and strengthen sinners.  He was called to be a shepherd, feeding the sheep who wandered away and got lost -- those who fell into the ravines and strayed from the flock.

How grateful I am for Peter, for Abraham, for those who failed and turned back.  They are my "peeps," the ones who know there is nothing praiseworthy in themselves.  My copy of the mural of Peter's betrayal comforts me when I have been a "shit" and don't know how to fix it.  And I think of Jesus saying to me, "Gayle, do you love me?"  Strengthen those like yourself who don't know their right hands from their left.  Feed my sheep.