Eureka!

Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything  But because you say so, I will let down the nets (Luke 5).

 

See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me.  Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple (Mal. 3).

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I recently had lunch with a friend.  "Do you think I am a negative person?" she asked me.  I hesitated, not knowing what to say.  I am a very slow thinker, not at all quick on the draw; sometimes it will take days for the camera in my mind to come into focus.  I had not up to this time thought of Anna as "negative," strangely enough.  But her question forced me to re-think.  She had once told me that she was a "professional worrier," and that did seem to describe her.  I knew that whenever we got together, she would go over all the issues with her family, with her neighbors, with the city, county, and world that occupied her mind -- and there were many of them. 

 

So, no, I had not thought of her as "negative," but more as someone who worries a great deal about things over which she has no control.  But her question made me start praying:  What do I say to someone who asks me such a question?  I did tell her that day that I did not think she was negative, but more a "professional worrier," the phrase she herself had used. 

 

Very early this morning, as I drifted in and out of consciousness, I had a "Eureka" moment.  I recalled my own state of mind and soul before "the Lord suddenly came to his temple" in my own life.  While I would not have had enough awareness at the time to call myself a "professional worrier," and while I certainly had too much pride to even think of myself as "negative," looking back on it now, I realize that both descriptions were appropriate.  I worried about everything:  Edgar Cayce had predicted famines in the US in the late 70's and 80's, and I was bringing children into the world in the early 70's.  Would I see my children starve to death?  I needed major surgery:  how would anyone manage my house, with an 11-month old just learning to walk, a 2-year old just being potty-trained, and a 4-year old who needed to begin pre-school without mom to walk him there?  Everything I thought about seemed to have a black cloud over the issue. 

 

As it was, with 3 children prone to daily illness, I considered myself a total failure for not being able to manage to get dinner on the table, to get the house cleaned, to take care of the babies in the way I thought was competent.  I never knew what to cook, so dinner time was a constant source of panic for me; I never seemed to have the right ingredients in the house, etc.  Finally, I was exhausted from 6 years of nursing babies throughout the night.  I was helpless and hopeless.

 

Then, "suddenly, the Lord I was seeking came to his temple."  While in the hospital, I heard the story of my roommate, whose life of helplessness and hopelessness with drugs was healed by something she called "the baptism of the Holy Spirit."  Whatever that was, I wanted it too.  Dinnette prayed for me, and suddenly, a peace I had never before known settled over me from head to toe.  Suddenly, I felt a joy that I had never before experienced.  Suddenly, I knew that I did not have to be in control, that I could relax and let myself be taken care of. 

 

The morning after surgery, I reached over and found the Gideon Bible in my nightstand.  The book fell open to the Acts of the Apostles --- first page, go figure!  Since I had very rarely read the Bible, or any part of it, on my own, I had no idea what I was doing here.  But as I began to read, I suddenly realized that what I was reading about the descent of the Holy Spirit on the apostles had just happened to me!  Then, it was not ancient history I was reading, but my own story.  I could not stop reading.  In the coming days, while recuperating, I continued to read through the Gospels, the letters of St. Paul, and Revelation.  Then I started with Genesis and read the entire Bible again to Revelation.  Eventually, I got out maps and history books and started studying in earnest.  All this, of course, had nothing to do with my own determination or desire --- it was simply and entirely a gift of the Holy Spirit!

 

That happened on June 15, 1977.  Today, I am so grateful for the gift I have been given, the gift that St. Peter describes as the Lord transferring us from the kingdom of darkness to His kingdom of light!  While we walk in the darkness, we have no idea of the light; we think we are experiencing reality, but it is truly "the empty way of life handed down to us by our fathers." 

 

As I reminisced this morning, I had yet another "Eureka" moment.  Until the Lord "suddenly" comes to His temple, and until we encounter the living, resurrected Christ, we cannot understand anything the Bible describes, for it belongs to another world, another realm.  We have no experience, no words, to understand the Bible story.  In fact, now I believe the Bible gives us the words to understand our own experience.  Until that happens, we "work hard all night," as Peter said, but we catch nothing.  But when the Lord speaks, when He breathes out His Spirit on us, our eyes are suddenly opened and we see!  We know, we understand for the first time!

 

"Am I a negative person?"  No, Anna, you are a good person who is working hard.  But you still seek the Lord who makes all things new again!  Until then, my joy and my job is to pray that the same Lord who came to me in the hospital will suddenly come to His temple in your heart and mind and soul.  Then you will see all things with His eyes, and He will "wipe away every tear" that you daily bear.