On Visions and Meanings

 Thinking this morning of Julian of Norwich, a 14th century nun who thought she was dying when she had a series of visions for 12 hours, in which Jesus revealed to her secrets of heaven and of His own heart.  Indeed, she did not die, but spent the next 40 years reflecting on and writing about what she had seen and heard in her visions.  

One of the most remarkable secrets God revealed to her was what she called "the hospitality of God."  She reflected on the sweet kindness of God, Who welcomes the worst of us into his heart and home.  As a parent who is most tender and solicitous with the child who is sick, weak, or disabled in some way, she saw God as most welcoming of the sinner.  Indeed, Jesus said that the angels in heaven rejoiced more over a sinner who repents than over the 99 who have no need of repentence.  And in the story of the woman caught in adultery, we see Jesus turning away the "righteous" ones who want to condemn the sinner --- we see the Face of God!

After my experience with the baptism of the Holy Spirit in 1977, I began to have a series of visions also --  unlike Julian of Norwich, I had only 3 or 4 of them over a period of a few years.  But now, almost 50 years later, I realize that those few visions have guided me all the rest of my life.  I have never thought about revealing those visions to any but a very small number of people in my life, but thinking about Julian today and the impact of her visions on me, I'm thinking about writing them down.  I don't know that they will mean anything to anyone else, but I have found that the gifts of God are never given for us alone.  The graces we have been given are always meant to be shared.

In the first -- and longest -- vision I had, I saw myself in a cloud looking down at the top of a mountain.  I could see the top of the mountain, and I could see multiple paths leading to the top.  There were people on all of the paths; some of them had wandered off their path and were lost in the trees, not even knowing they were lost.  As I watched them, I asked Jesus, "Can I help them?"  "NO," he said; "on their journey, they come to know their Guide, and you are not the Guide."  I was completely satisfied with that answer, for some reason, knowing that He would take care of the ones I was worried about.  

Suddenly, though, I realized that I myself was at the base of an invisible mountain in the cloud, one that I could not see at all.  And He spoke again:   You will not know whether you are going up or down, backwards or forwards; you will know only the One Who guides you.  And once again, I was completely satisfied and content with His words.  I knew that I did not have to worry about where I was going, if only He was taking care of me.

Then I saw in front of me what looked like a library table with four small drawers.  I opened the first drawer and saw what appeared to be bookmarks, and for some reason, I understood those to be the Ten Commandments.  The next drawer also held small bookmarks, and these seemed to be the Beatitudes.  The contents of the third drawer were (occasionally) the secrets of men's hearts.  The fourth drawer, however, would open only a couple of inches, much like a kitchen drawer stuck half-way by some tool blocking the pathway.  I could see it held a scroll, which I squeezed my hand in far enough to draw out.  As I unrolled the scroll, it seemed to be blank; intuitively, I knew there was something written on it, but I could not see it!  As I watched, the scroll continued to unroll itself upwards, even to heaven.

I understood the vision immediately:  From childhood, it had been given to me to know the Commandments, the Beatitudes, and even sometimes the secrets of other's hearts.  What I could not know and did not know, was what was written on my own heart!  I understood the words, "If you allow Me to reveal to you what is written on your own heart, it will lead you to heaven!"

And then I saw the first (and as it turned out to be, the only) three words I would ever see:  Purity of Heart, Humility, and Truth.

Now, almost 50 years after that experience, I realize that these words were not "virtues" that had been given to me from the beginning, but they were instead guideposts that would lead me to heaven.  They were paths that I would need to learn to walk on the way, and from which I would occasionally, if not often, depart.  But they would inevitably draw me back to the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

I am, and always have been, profoundly grateful for this vision.  As a visual learner, I have always needed to "see" rather than "hear" things in order to retain them in memory.  I tend to forget what I hear -- sometimes after 10 minutes!  But I always remember the things I see.  And here's the point:  God, as the Master Teacher,  honors and accommodates His Voice, His teachings, to our strengths rather than to our weakness.  In his hospitality, according to Julian, He bends low that He might raise us up!

A Moment of Joy

Our local Walmart is undergoing re-organization, making for a somewhat frustrating shopping experience.  Recently, I approached the Garden center for some potting soil, only to find out that the entrance was closed.  Despite having parked close to the garden entrance to make it easier to haul and load the potting soil into my car, I now needed to walk around to the main entrance.  

When I reached the Garden center, I found that it was closed, but that I could pay for the potting soil at a main register and then pick up the package outside the store.  The chashier of course knew nothing about potting soil sizes, so ended up just showing me pictures on her phone.  Since I didn't want the smallest size, I picked another one:  "That's fine," I said, and headed outside to pick up the soil, only to discover that I had picked the industrial sized package, one way heavier than I was capable of lifting into the basket.  Of course, there was no way back into the garden center, nor was there anyone working outside to help me.

As I usually do, I turned to my guardian angel for help:  "Show me how to get this thing in the basket," I asked, and immediately saw the solution -- pull the bag off the top of the pile onto the ground, let it stand on end while I rolled the cart up and slid the bag onto the lower shelf.  Done!

When I got to my car, there was another issue -- how to get the darn thing into the car.  It was really beyond my ability to lift it even a few feet off the bottom of the basket.  Again, I turned to my guardian angel:  "Send me someone to help me!" I prayed, as I had parked the car on the outer fringe of the lot, where few people were passing by.  Immediately, a man in a wheel chair rolled up to my car.  "Do you need any help?" he asked.   "Well," I said, "I asked my guardian angel to send me someone to help me, and he sent you!"   "God works in mysterious ways," he said with a grin. 

When I looked at his face, I suddenly had the thought that maybe this encounter was as much for him as for me.  He looked a little "on the edge," so to speak.  He may have been homeless, I'm not sure, but I noticed there was nothing in his basket if he had just come from the store.  Anyway, he put one foot on the ground, lifted one corner of the potting soil, and told me to grab the other end.  Between the two of us, we managed to wrestle the bag into the car, and both of us kind of collapsed laughing at the effort. 

It was a moment of shared joy for both of us.  I think he felt good about helping me, and somehow I felt good about needing his help.  What I originally thought might have been a joke on the part of my angel turned out to be a special moment in my day --- as I'm sure it was in his!